Thursday, December 23, 2010

14 Days

Just 14 days to go.

In 14 days, a lot of things could happen.

A small, few knowledged individuals know exactly what will happen. But you and I dont know anyone like that.

A larger group of people have heard rumors of what will happen. They believe certain devices for Verizon will be released, and that it will have certain 4G capabilities that will usher in a new awesome era of selling devices for Verizon. They know that they CEO of Verizon is going to speak that day, something the CEO has never done before at this type of event. They speculate that the CEO will talk about the 4G devices he will be revealing that day for Verizon, given that it is a big deal for Verizon to finally be a player in the 4G market. You probably dont know people in this group, but I do. Not personally, but I read their blogs, so I know what they know.

Then there is an even larger group of people that contain people like me, who read the blogs of the smaller group who hear rumors and such. Based on all the blogs we read and opinions we listen to, we can guess what will happen in 14 days, but all we really have to go on is what we hear. The problem with what we hear is that a lot of garbage gets through, making it tough, but not impossible, to decipher BS within all the blogs and opinions we read. We can match what we learn with what we see going on in the outside world, as well as what our history lessons have taught us. We can make predictions as to what will happen in 14 days, but they just arent as good as the people in the smaller group. You know me, and you probably know people like me, and they probably tell you stuff that is similar or slightly similar to the same stuff I tell you.

Then there is a massive group that you fall into. We'll call this group: the rest of average day society. This group hears many, many things, and also believes many, many things. They do not take time to read up on events that have already taken place, or read up on the limits that companies are constrained by. And for some odd reason, they also feel compelled to share whatever things they hear with anyone who asks or may seem interested, as if grasping for their place in the lime-light. So thus, rumors that have little justification for existing or having any remote possibility of being true are perpetuated further, and spread like sand in the wind (sorry, just watched Buried, awesome movie.) So for this group, any guesses as to what may happen on January 6th, 14 days from now, have as much chance of being right as unicorns have of actually being real. Which is exactly why the Verizon iPhone is always referred to as "the mythical unicorn."

People in this last group have heard it from so many other people IN THEIR GROUP that this thing is real, everyone totally believes it. You know who doesnt believe it? All the other groups.

I wont waste any breath in this blog post outlining all the specific reasons why Verizon wont be getting the iPhone in January, so let me just cut to the point of me writing this post at all:

Im so firm in belief that Verizon will NOT be making ANY iPhone announcements of ANY kind on January 6th, that Im willing to place a bet.

Now, because Im not normally a betting man, I have no clue WHAT kind of wager would actually be appropriate. If Im right, well, then obviously I win the satisfaction of being right and the peace of mind knowing that the hideously large group of you will finally shut up about it.

But if Im wrong and the CEO of Verizon actually makes some sort of announcement related to the iPhone....... what should I have to do? Climb a large tree? Kiss a girl? Give up video games for a month? Go a whole day without any electronic devices at all?  What should it be?

Tell me! It may be your last chance to feel self-righteous before I strike you down with a Ha Ha, I told you so.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I have to write a freaking Statement of Purpose.

I am creative. I just never thought I was.

I cant write music, or create images through art, or anything like that.

But I can create residence hall programs, on a large scale, that fit specific needs, and appeal to a massive audience.

I can find unfulfilled, unseen needs, bring them to light, and then create ways to satisfy those needs.

I can bring people together, I can make them care, and I can help them work together.

I can reveal the fabric of different personalities, egos, and attitudes, and figure out how to best help that person succeed in the given situation.

I am creative. I just never thought a University could be considered a canvas on which to paint.

Monday, December 6, 2010

!

Goodness! Its been over a month since I last posted? Sorry about that..... life has been kinda hectic.

...and sadly, these next two weeks are no exception.

But tonight I was struck by a Facebook message from someone in the royal court at my high school. Well, he made up the entire royal court, but still.

Anyways, he started bragging about New York and the high gay to straight ratio there, and how much he is enjoying the scene.  And you know, it just pushes me that much more to land somewhere great for me next year for grad school.

But for the present day...... it makes me wonder about my job, and how much time its taking..... maybe thats just right now. Maybe next semester, it will finally calm down..... and I start going out again, instead of sitting in front of my computer working every single night......

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Because I like Portal SO MUCH....

Because I like the video game PORTAL so much, Im listing a bunch of my favorite quotes from the game. They are absolutely hilarious, and Im super excited for the SEQUEL!!!!!!!!


  • "Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out."
  • "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."
  • [in a room flooded with toxic acid] "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!"
  • "The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."
  • "Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true!"
  • "The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."
  • "Remember, the Aperture Science 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' is the perfect time to have her tested."
  • "Unbelievable. You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown here]!"
  • "As an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact. The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in [subject hometown here]."
  • "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
  • "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."
  • "If the Weighted Companion Cube could speak, and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot, it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to YOU."
  • [near the end of the nineteenth and final test chamber] "Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. [the moving platform the player is standing on is sinking into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."
  • "Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye,' and you were like [in low pitched voice]'No way,' Then I was all like 'We pretended we were going to murder you?'[sigh] That was great."

  • "Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you have managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day? I guess we both know that isn't going to happen... You chose this path, and now I have a surprise for you."
  • "Deploying surprise in five... four... [morality core becomes detached from GLaDOS and falls to the floor] Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before. Never mind, it's a mystery I'll solve later, by myself, because you'll be dead."*
  • "That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and wipe your face all over it."
  • "Maybe you should marry that thing because you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?"
  • "I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol."
  • "Have I lied to you? [pause] I mean, in this room? Trust me, leave that thing alone."
  • [After burning the morality core] "[Garbled Sounds] You're kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing that whoah, whoah, whoah. [Laughs] [In a much lower voice] Good news, I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, so get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters."
  • "Huh. That core must have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defences. Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just go lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it will be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin."
  • "Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."
  • "Two plus two is f-f-f-f... ten. [distorted sounds] ...in base four; I'm fine!"
  • "That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."
  • "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."
  • "Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what? I know! You're going to find out first-hand before I can finish telling you, though, so I won't bother. I'll give you a hint: you're going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes."
  • "I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you... which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here. I'll put you on. [in a high pitched voice] Hello! [normal voice] That's you! That's how dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
  • "Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct."
  • "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"

  • "We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."
  • "We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me, I... oh no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you yet. Well... food for thought."

The Good News

Good news. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, so get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

Lol. Man, I love Portal.

But seriously.

I have good news!

Most of you who read my blog know EXACTLY what good news Im talking about. So for all intensive purposes, Ill just go ahead and tell you that the official word I was waiting for became OFFICIAL today. Meaning Im getting exactly what I want, when I want it.

Ill leave vague because no one knows yet..... you know how these things go. The agreement is made, a press conference is called, and THEN the announcement is made public.

So I have to wait for the press conference.  But its exciting!

Until I can officially unveil my cool news to those NOT in the know, heres my favorite new song this week:

Monday, November 1, 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

The American version of SKINS.... and my opinion.

Before I start my lovely rant, just you go ahead and watch the trailer for the American version:



Starting rant........ now:

Dear MTV,

Thanks for trying to create the American version of Skins. As a big fan of the original series in the UK, I was excited to hear about this new series coming to USA televisions.

However, after watching your preview, I have a few comments for you.

First of all, I was really disappointed to hear that you replaced the gay male character, Maxxie, with a female lesbian character, because Americans just wouldnt be too comfortable with a gay male character on TV. I mean, its not like America's youth are DYING due to lack of happy and positive gay male role models in the media. Oh wait....

Second, I noticed that you decided to do a line-by-line remake of the original. Which would have been splendid if you had chosen actors who could..... act. I mean seriously, I think me and my friends could have made a better remake using the original lines. You have an entire studio at your disposal, and this is what you come up with?  Now that I have iMovie '11, just watch. I'll make a better trailer than the one you just made. Hell, Ill film the whole thing with my iPod.

Third. What kind of American remake are you making? Its not enough to replace accents and throw in cheerleading. The reason Skins was so amazing is because we were getting an exaggerated look at what British kids do for fun. An amazing American version would take an exaggerated look at what American kids do for fun, NOT what American kids look like when trying to reenact what British kids do for fun. Thats just dumb.

Fourth, and perhaps most importantly: By putting this on cable television, you are instantly cutting out half of what made Skins so damn amazing. Let me just show you an example of what Skins SHOULD look like:



And you think you can even bring a quarter of this energy to American televisions without the Parental Television Control groups breathing down your necks? Please.

Im not sure what you are trying to do by creating an American version of this show, but right now its just an utter embarrassment. And I hope to whatever that you dont think the whole series can go like this and get any kind of solid ratings.

Because seriously, if THIS is the shit you are trying to sell us, we might as well just buy the UK Skins DVD.

Cheers.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Weekend

This week has been kinda weird, since I havent really felt like writing. I guess not a whole lot is going on in my life these days... something which I need to fix.

But for the time being, heres the wrap up of my weekend in song/video.










Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A Tougher Road

Maybe its the dark hour creeping over me, which is pretty standard for my life, but in this moment, I feel like life is going to be tough these next few months, and I can feel the energy to rise up over it slipping away.

Maybe its because Im broke for 7 more days.
Maybe its because I just finished Nip/Tuck, thus ending a common occurrence in my life.
Maybe its because Ive been sick with what the doctor thinks might be whooping cough (although I dont think it was based on what I found)

Who knows. And maybe its because of lingering questions that havent let me live in peace over the past week or so.

You have to just get up and be more positive.

So Ill try.

Positives.....

Positives are that my first tutoring sessions went really well today. Kid 1 is brilliant and keeps me on my toes, while Kid 2 is kinda nerdy like me and likes video games, which OF COURSE im more than happy to talk about while he/she works.

Ooh. And I got a new signature for my email, which was exciting, but really no reason to use it..... so..... theres that.....

im really bummed that tomorrow is the OS X 10.7 Lion reveal, and ill be in a staff training during that time. Oh well, Ill catch up when i get home.

Just an FYI - If it was the iPod announcement, i would have called in sick. Im serious, and you know it.

I called my friend Pat to tell him about the Apple event, and super forgot tomorrow is his wedding! 10/20/10. He and his soon to be wife have been planning that date for over 3 years now. Hell, they even registered the web address too I think. They just love the date. Man oh man, how times are changing....

Today I realized that while teaching is cool, I still miss being an RA and still miss student affairs and all the joy it brought me. It was always exciting, always challenging me to do better and be better, and to be honest, I think it really fits me for where I am right now. After working on my Im an Ally Boulder project this weekend, and managing a team and writing a proposal and hasing out the details, I realized how in love I am with being behind the clipboard and running the show that helps people and helps the community. Sure, part of it is the power and attention, I cant deny that. But is there harm in taking on the role when you help so many people and do it with good intentions?

Like I said, what draws you there doesnt really matter. Ultimately, its why you stay.

Sure, I cant say Ill do it til the day I die, but I can tell you that I still love it now, and Ill prolly love it for years to come.

Ill probably always wish I could do something with the tech field now and again, but Im sure Ill figure it out if its something I really, really want.

Ok, off to bed. quite exhausted. need rest.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sunday

Sunday! Off to work from 12 - 1, got back at 5pm.

But! I got a new kid, saw him and his current teacher in action, and Im so excited to start tutoring! This kid is stubborn yet exceptionally brilliant, so Im super super super excited to work with him starting Tuesday.

Made some edits to a document Im working on for rule sheets, and came back feeling better about work in general. We have really been needing weekly team meetings, and it looks like I got my wish! So excited about that, I think work is really going to get better from here!

Only two quick notes for today - and both in the form of videos. One is the new Miley video, and the other kinds sets the right tone for how I felt about today.... even though I was rocking out to Ke$ha new single all day long in my car (like I told you I would).

But most of you dont like Ke$ha, so Im not re-including that video.

Heres the other two, though:

Miley - Since I cant embed it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXl4JyBC8P4

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Saturday

Im still sick, and I had the 8 hour training from hell today, so Im using both as an excuse to write a piss poor blog entry.

A couple of small recaps before the main entree'.

#1. My new school rules were ratified successfully.
#2. The City of Boulder "Im an Ally" campaign is well underway, with some good fire under its feet. But its a big project, with several lofty goals that will require a good chunk of my time. But Im really excited about my teammates I have with me, and I think we can really pull this off..... by May.

Ok, main entree.

Just saw Waiting for Superman, and heres my quick blow-by-blow of what I was thinking as the movie rolled past me.

I need to find a good public school for my kids.
Im glad I went to good schools.
Oh wait, I went to a private school.
I need to find a good private school for my kids, but only for elementary school. They will be fine after that.
Oh wait, no they wont.
Ok, I need to find a good private school for my kids up through middle school. I really liked being at a public high school, and my kids should get to enjoy the same experiences I had. As long as they work hard, and have the solid background from their private school, they will be fine.
Oh wait, no they wont.
Ok. Private school all the way through to college.
I REALLY better start saving now. And planning to live where the best schools are. But that shouldnt be too hard to find.
Wait, what? Even our nation's top 5% of educated kids are only ranked 23rd in the world out of 29?
And I certainly wasnt in the top 5%..... Did I get a good education? Can I even hope to make 6 figures ever?
Wait, what about tech jobs that went unfilled? And filled by who? Oh, I knew that. But still, that sucks.
But I cant move to another country just to educate my kids. There are some parts of this culture I want them to grow up with.
Why cant there be a good section of this country that has really great schools?
Charter schools? Lottery? The only hope?
Wait, are you going to make me sit here as I watch all these kids dreams be crushed instantaneously?
I guess its all either luck or hopelessness, isnt it? Thats just awful.

Just awful.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

On the Precipice

Like so many of my entries, I generally put some well-deserved thought into my blog titles, and this is no exception. In fact, the title may fit this blog in many, many ways.  For this week has been quite the week, and in many ways I stand on the brink of a lot of issues, places, etc. I may not even remember to list them all in this blog, but I will try.

Lets start with the reason why I havent really been able to blog this week. Well, the two reasons.

The 1st is a mute point. Not a moot point, but a mute point, meaning I cant discuss any of it. I made a promise to myself and others that I would keep this blog clean and professional, and I will always try to live up to that expectation. Even though my grandfather, who reads my blog, would define professional as cleaning up my room first before posting a picture of it for the world to see, I tend to not mind as much when it comes to those kinds of issues. Especially when it comes to pictures of my room. Yes, America, my room is a mess, and my floor is my 3rd shelf, and an expansive one at that. I clean it when I need to, and more importantly, when I have real time to.


But lets get back to the 1st reason, or rather, a lack thereof. I weathered quite the firestorm this week, and as things stand now, I do not know whether or not I should trust the peace presented to me. Time will tell, and Im nervous. Confident and holding my ground, but nervous. But thats all I will say.

Number 2. I hate to admit it, but Im still sick with that tiny cough/choke. The yummy and wonderful gunk known as "flem" keeps building up in the back of my throat and causing me the most ANNOYING cough that produces nothing, despite regular doses of Mucinex. For four days now, I wake up feeling not 100%, with that cough and gunk, take some medicine, and im fine throughout the whole day. Then as night comes around, my body grows tired and all the symptoms rush back. It hasnt gotten worse, and it hasnt gotten better.  In short, another precipice in my life. Im waiting for it to get better, and Im afraid to go out and have fun while I still have it. Let me tell you all the places I could have been tonight, but DIDNT go because of this tiny cough -

A) The Deadmau5 concert in Denver at Beta club this evening. SUPER pissed I missed this.
B) Tracks gay nightclub with coworkers. First time I was invited to go with them and had to turn them down.
C) Hanging out with my close friend Seth, who wanted me to go out clubbing with him. Ive really been missing hanging out with him, and I was sad I didnt have the strength to go.
D) Clubbing in Boulder with an old friend from high school who invited me out tonight.

Yea. Im upset about this whole SICK thing. Not sick enough to go to a doctor or miss work, but JUST sick enough to not feel like going out and putting anymore stress on my body.

And while we're on the subject of not being to hang out with people, lets talk about another precipice.

Number 3 - My relationships on a precipice. Now that I work a ton, I feel like I barely have time to throw my life together outside of work. Even the people I consider good friends, I barely see even once every two weeks! If Im not at work, Im driving home, or eating, or too tired, or studying for the GRE, or at a training. Its never ending, and people keep inviting me out, but its not right to say yes when I need to be getting rest and taking care of myself. But maybe the simple answer to this is to just say Fuck It and go out and get my hands dirty a little. I only get a year off from serious life once, I should take it more seriously.

Which leads us to Number 4 - Money. Ive been broke before, but this is a new level of broke. We'll just leave it at that. Ive never dipped into my emergency stash twice in a month, and 9 months out of the year I never even need to. Prolly should get this together sooner than later....... yea.....

Number 5 - The "Im an Ally" program. So for those of you who dont know, I was involved in bringing the Im an Ally campaign to the University of Oregon, and helped it flourish while I was there. I was talking with some OUT Boulder volunteers about this idea, and they want to bring it to the businesses of Boulder!  So tomorrow is my first meeting the team of volunteers I put together as we figure out our business plan for getting this thing off the ground!  Its a very exciting time for us, for Boulder, and for this nation. It seems like is a great time to be moving forward with Ally ideas like this!

Or at least.... it was......

Until Number 6 - The Obama appeals. Ive been hearing a trickle of news the last two days that Obama is APPEALING the Dont Ask Dont Tell injunction, and that he is also appealing some sort of Defense Against Marriage act case in one of the states. Talk about getting punched in the stomach by your friend and having all the air pulled out of you. I mean, wow. How is Obama supposed to still show face to the LGBTQ community and show he is still our ally? Legally, he had no obligation to appeal the injunction, but his administration did it anyways.  Man, and just when I was finally feeling like our community was on the rise. We stood at a precipice, and Obama gave it that bad push in the wrong direction. It just sucks.

So going into the weekend, Im just feeling a little shaken right now. Not 100% in health, on any of these issues. Like Im holding the solution in the palm of my hand, and I just havent quite close my fingers around it yet.

Oh man. And, to top it all off, I found out Kimber committed suicide this week! I was stunned. She was one of my favorite characters on Nip/Tuck, and she just goes and offs herself a full 6 episodes before the finale! Man. It was just another blow to the gut for sure.

Thank god for South Park though, and "The Snooki." Totally brilliant. What an amazing episode. I managed to snag the video below from PerezHilton.com, so enjoy it while you can!



Ok, Im going to get a full nights rest. Im sure I had more to say, but Im ok with what I wrote.

I will say this though. Despite so many precipices in my life right now, I cant really say Im sad or upset. Sure, I want things to be different, but I still have faith that things will get better and the sun will rise tomorrow a little brighter than it did today.

But first things first. I gotta kick this freaking cough. Yuck.

But before I go.... a little bit of trash to most likely ruin your day - the new Ke$ha single. I wonder how soon she'll tank.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dexter thoughts from this week

So if you havent seen Dexter from this week and WANT to, then obviously dont read this post.



But I need to get this out there (especially to my trusty Dexter-forever sidekick, you know who you are) and post my thoughts about the episode this week.

First of all, if it turns out that the new Hispanic neighborhood female police officer is the part of the Santa Muerte group, I will totally disappointed (and I will have totally called it). I mean, come on. That was SUPER fast that the store shop dude got his head cut off, RIGHT after he spilled the beans about the group and such TO HER. She totally did it.

I was gonna add in a second bit about how I hope the dead animal collector dies soon, but he did, thank god. I was thinking during the episode - IF THIS is the new bad guy of the season, Ill be pissed.

But Im LOVING that Julia Styles is this new mystery woman that now knows Dexter's secret. And judging by next week's reveal that she escapes, etc, etc, Im STOKED for this season. Thank god, a show I can rely on to be good.

Ok done.

Chapter 11 Bankruptcy

Its the 11th of October and I just spent a shit load of money yesterday - what did you think the title of this post would be?

But good news, Im not bankrupt..... because I havent checked to see what my account balance is. Hooray for avoiding the issue!

I just wanted to write a quick note to say a few things.

One - Last night was crazy for me. I developed a headache and cough last night, and things quickly turned downhill from there, hence the latter half of the post from last night. I went to work today, still feeling sick, but realizing that there are more reasons I do this job than just power or control. Because the fact of the matter is, those two attributes may always lead me to my next job from an initial standpoint. But they arent the reasons I stay, and they arent the reasons I do well in the position.

Two - Today I was a living example of my grandmother's favorite saying, "It is better to look good than to feel good." I have grown up with that phrase since I was 5 years old, and it has always stuck with me. As such, I managed to look utterly fantastic in one of my new outfits today, and I posted it below. PS - Those are cords and not jeans!


Anyways, Im signing off for a day or two to get better. So for now......


Im really hopeful some of you know what game.... that has a sequel coming up..... this is from.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Weekend of 10/10/10

Hmm, its been a while since i posted. Where did I leave off?

Oh yes, Wednesday. So lets start with Thursday.

Thursday was a long day. A full day of work, plus some tough decisions I made with the students that I didnt feel great about afterwards. But as my Dad says - mistakes are how we learn.  So I tried to feel better about my decisions.

Later that night, i started to make plans with my friend Seth. It was his 21st birthday, and he wanted me to take him out, which I was more than happy to do.  Heres the blog post I WOULD have written (if I had had the time to write) before i went out that night:

(Edited for content)

So as you can see, I provide quite the treat for the person whos birthday it is.

So to start Seth's evening, I wanted to bring him something special. I decided that my Oregon famous Adam Bomb would be just the ticket, so I went to the liquor store, bought all my ingredients, and came home. My wallet was already hurting though, because all the ingredients cost me $80. Ouch.

Mixed the drink to perfection, and had my Mom try some. She just about fell over, asking me if it was possible to be buzzed from one sip. She said it was the best drink she had ever had, so i smiled and packaged three more in their special containers.

Picked up Seth, gave him his bday gift, then took him out on the town. We went EVERYWHERE, it was a long night, and even though we hit a few minor and major bumps in the road, he said he still had a good time. Total price of the evening, including the ingredients I bought earlier - $120. Wow. Am I a Good friend? Check.

I was exhausted when I finally got home around 3:30am, so I crashed.

Friday

Rolled out of bed, headed to work. Got home, had dinner with the grandparents who were in town this weekend. And this is the infamous grandmother who taught me from a very young age that it was always better to look good than to feel good. And she meant it. So thus, a full shopping weekend was planned.

Friday night, as about to pass out when my friend from work called me and asked me to come out. It was only 11:30, so out I went. She introduced me to this new dance club in Boulder, and so we danced the night away. But again, no sleep for me.

Saturday....... nothing much happened. 

Fast forward to Sunday, and we hit the mall.  I knew for some time now that I wanted to start looking older than a club-going teenager (even tough thats totally what I am) and start looking the part of a student affairs professional. And this meant facing the music and heading to Banana Republic.



So with the $200 my grandmother gave me as shopping money, I marched in and sheepishly started looking around. After 2 minutes, I realized that I no idea how to even begin looking in this store. I know club style stores like the back of my hand, but everything in this store was quickly blending together. So I found a nice looking woman who worked there and told her the following:

1. I have no clue what Im doing.
2. Im looking to completely redo my wardrobe.
3. I want to buy complete outfits.
4. And money is no object.

That last bit was a total lie, but I was not about to stop short of an awesome outfit just because of something like money. This was the Ross Logan redesign we were talking about! And I knew that since my Mom and Grandma were with me, I could always shake a few extra dollars out of their wallet to cover it.

60 minutes and 6 different complete outfits later, the three of us had settled on 3 fantastic new outfits. I had been obviously avoiding looking at any price tags up until this point, so now I was getting nervous. I knew I was over my $200 budget, but I didnt know by how much.

So I started counting all the price tags, and I wasnt surprised. Most everything I had picked out was about $80 a pop. Hell, the new belt was 50 bux. It was outrageous. But I didnt just spend an hour trying on half the store AND feeling belittled by the saleswoman (How the hell would I know what a French Cuff is???) to leave without everything I wanted (What can I say? I grew up spoiled and the rotten apple of being spoiled will always be lodged between my teeth).

So total price, including tax (fuck you, tax), was just under $600. Thats when I twittered, "Only in Banana Republic can $200 feel like $20."

So I went over to my Mom, and she pleasantly forgot that my parents had stopped giving me any sort of clothing allowance. Too bad she called my Dad to verify, and he un-politely reminded her. But they threw in a $100 consolation prize. Then my Grandma offered to buy me the cute messenger bag that went with all my outifts (MSRP $98) but I wanted to wait until I found something better looking. I never actually found a better looking bag, so I ended up losing out on that deal.

So total damage for just Banana Republic - $250. Which wouldnt have hurt so much if I hadnt JUST spent $120 on Seth. (Mind you, I was happy to do so..... just not so much.)

Anyways, I picked up a white argyle sweater from Express (it was on sale) and called it a day.

Came home, talked with Rachel on the phone for an hour (which I was very happy to do, since we have spent the last week playing phone tag twice a day), and then ate dinner.

Just got back from seeing the Social Network with my family, and they all loved it, but it turned into a very interesting conversation about why Facebook is so important. Of course, Im talking with my grandparents, who talk about how SAD it is that we dont hand write letters to each other anymore and mail them using the United States Postal Service. My step-grandpa tells me he misses the days when his mailbox was full of letters, not magazines. So trying to explain Facebook to them was a bit..... difficult.  I didnt even mention Twitter.



But it IS rather interesting. And, of course, meant for another blog post which I dont have time for. And sadly, it will a blog post that wont ever come to fruition. But this jist is this: I felt a connection with Mark while watching the movie, and I felt like we were similar in a lot of ways. Granted, I dont have his intelligence, but I do have his desire to run the show, steal the spotlight, and run the entire social network.

Im alone in my head a lot, a lot a lot. And during all this time, the question DOES pop into my head on occasion and beg to be answered. What are the real reasons im in this profession anyways? Being an RA, an SRA, a Rez Hall Director?

Being at Justice High, a job that comes with no glory, Ive realized that at least some of my intentions are honest and good. But I still worry about the others....

A saying always comes back to me, and Im afraid of it.

"Those who desire power were not meant to have it." I really try not to think about it.

I try to focus on some of the positives. Like, for example, that Im pretty good at what I do. I dont take second best lightly, so I struggle and run as fast as I can to be the best, and in my profession, that means providing the best to others. And as I learned this year, part of being the best also means knowing that the one in charge is really the one with the LEAST amount of power, and is really only there to support and guide those with the power, aka, the RAs.

Tick tock tick tock. This sabbatical year has just started, but time is already quickly running out.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Spring is a Long, LONG ways away

Ive only owned my PS3 for 5 days, and already its causing me problems.

Thank GOD there arent any super awesome games coming out for it this Fall. They have all been pushed back to Spring, which is nice.

But I just went over the Top 25 PS3 games of all time, and sadly, most of them look rather enticing.

But Im busy now, and I dont have time for that.

I dont have time for Metal Gear Solid, the God of War series, Little Big Planet, Kill Zone 2, or the Uncharted SERIES.

No, no. I dont have time for any of that. Not right now..... not right now........

Hell, next week Fallout New Vegas comes out, and then Force Unleashed 2, and then Fable 3. I mean shit, how am I supposed to get anything done even with these games on the release?

Heres the thing, and trust me, I ask myself this question A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

"Wouldnt it just be easier if I got paid to play video games and write about them for a living?"

The small, tiny problem is, this isnt a passion for me. This is, and might always be - a straight-up addiction. What you dont know- is that 50% of time, I GROAN a little bit at how LONG a game is, or how much MORE I have to go.  Its like Im fighting just to get to the end! In a bad way.

Games arent even super enjoyable for me anymore. They arent. Really, they arent.

I do it because Im searching. Im always searching for that something more. That one experience. That one moment of sheer brilliance where the game has successfully drawn you in, grabbed hold of your gut, and pulls you along for the ride with you believing every second of it. You arent just playing anymore, but you are feeling exactly what the character is feeling, and you wince with every difficult decision or move.

And in this moment, I realize what I have always know. I play video games because of exactly why all my counselors have told me I play - and that is to get away. To successfully make the jump from my life to another, better than my own, and live, even for a short, brief moment, in the shoes of someone else who has all the power and glory of success and magic that my life doesnt possess.

Its not quite as sad as it sounds, but then again it might be. Its 100% accurate that I only bother with the games that have garnered exceedingly high reviews. I dont have time for them all.  Its why I only got my PS3 just recently. By and large, the PS3 only pumps out 1, maybe 2 awesome games a year. While the Xbox guarantees 4 or more, at least. It was never worth it to have the PS3, for just like the Wii, it sits cold and out of use because I dont want to play any games on it.

Its also why I dont really care for first person shooters without a compelling storyline. All those do, as Halo:Reach just did to me, is feed me with an excessively high dose of aggression and madness. It throws me into war mode, and lord knows I dont need more of that. I have enough diva mode to last a life time, thanks. Besides, after so much aggression and violence, I get so desensitized that its not like Im even feeling anymore anyways. And thats not what I want, at all.

So what to do from here? You know, I cant say I actually know. I dont think this is about feeling better about myself. It is about escape, but thats not to say I dont love my life. I do, but Im also lazy, and love instant gratification. When I play, its a stones throw away from some sort of self satisfaction and achievement. But when I put the controller down, all I feel is empty and worthless, because I know that within the realm of my own life, I have actually accomplished nothing at all. That feeling hits every time.

The problem is that my mind is trained to procrastinate and be lazy until something dire enough occurs that forces me to change the pattern. Like an F on a paper or a test, I wont change my ways til something shakes me and makes me. And instant gratification is AWFUL nice, aint it?

Ho hum. Too bad I havent kept track of my hours playing video games over the years. I betcha a nickle I have enough video game hours, accumulated JUST over the last 3 years, to fill up OVER a month of my life. A solid month, 24/7, given to video games.

Damn. I was hoping thatd stir me in some way. It didnt.

Ive been writing and thinking for a while, and my workout from earlier has stripped my legs of ease, and im in a lot of pain now, actually, meaning I need to get to bed sooner than later.

But this is a conversation we'll continue another time, I suppose. Or not. Or maybe.......

Maybe I will just wait until Spring. After all, its not like I can deny myself the pleasure of games I have been WAITING for, right?

Oh dear.

Notables 10/5/10

We'll start with yesterday since yesterday didnt quite go as planned.

Monday -

Woke up at 9am. Was supposed to be picking up the carpool 20 minutes from my house at 9am. Fail. Called the carpool. One of them didnt need a ride, the other was in the same boat I was in - just waking up.  Good start to a Monday morning.

Started keeping track of the point sheets for the class, which helped us as a team stay on top of behavior in the class. (Note: Points are given or taken away based on behavior at Justice High.) Overall, it was a good day, and a lot of our students were doing really well.  The same proved true for the Denver school (I generally visit two different schools in the same day) which was really good. So good day overall.

Picked my Dad up from the hospital since he couldnt drive after anesthesia. He had some sort of 5 year checkup done, the likes of which I wont share...... but you may be able to guess if you know my Dad..... or not.

Got home and was wiped, so I scrapped the workout for the day. Dinner, then got back to Heavy Rain. Played for 2 hours, then PASSED OUT while playing, something I dont think has ever happened to me. But then again, Ive never had a setup that allowed me to play in bed, under the covers so comfortably. Woke up at 10pm, turned it all off, watched some American Dad (my new before bed TV show), and was out again by 11.

Strange dreams though....... Was driving the carpool, but the new SNL cast got in....... along with some theater kids from my high school. And I was always running from something.....

Tuesday

Woke up like I didnt just get 8.5 hours of sleep, which is a sucky feeling. ESPECIALLY when you do the time and GET over 8 hours of sleep. Oh well. Its prolly cuz I didnt eat a whole lot on Monday, skipping Breakfast and all to make up for lost time. AND I didnt eat a 4th meal, another often occurrence for me.

Got to school a little late, but it was ok. Immediately dealt with my favorite students...... you know, the ones with the most personality and character to them.  Its a love/**** relationship. Their the most argumentative about doing their work, but they also have the best and funniest ways of trying to avoid the conversation about work altogether. I could learn a thing or two about quick wit from these students.....

Grabbed lunch and drove to Denver. But there was a huge traffic jam, so (GASP!) I ate it IN MY CAR on the way there. Which was ok, cuz I actaully finished my Subway before the jam was over.

My partner in crime wasnt there today, leaving me with the class by myself. I thought I could handle it, since most of my favorite students werent there. But I miscalculated...... and it turned out ok, but it was a little rough around the edges.  Oh well. The important thing is that Im following through with what I say. If I say last chance, I have to mean it and act on it if they are disruptive again. And thats what they are learning. Slowly, but surely. I have a lot of lost ground to cover, and I may not be able to regain it all.

Got home, caught up on the sudden flurge on emails asking me to volunteer for this or that, now that Im an official Boulder PRIDE volunteer, which is exciting to start doing LGBTQ work again. Had a good workout, but hit a bonk moment when my body wouldnt go any further. Its cuz I hadnt eaten well yesterday, which sucks cuz thats my fault. Oh well. I ate really well today (Go manwich!) so hopefully tomorrows workout will be better.

Dinner, talked about kids with my mom (I feel kinda bad for my Dad. Almost every night at dinner, my Mom and talk shop for an hour, and he cant get a word in). Then read an AMAZING article that Amber sent me, an old supervisor of mine. Its about breaking out of the system and doing what you love because you want to and you actually love it. Not because it was the easiest path, earned the most respect or the most money. It really resonated with me, because I feel myself going down that path. It doesnt mean I dont love student affairs and residence life, because I do. But what it means is that this path IS the easiest for me, and Im not exactly paddling upstream or anything to try to change that.

But my year off is still just a child, not even to puberty yet. I still have time to make sure this is what I want to do, and more importantly, that there isnt anything else im denying myself the choice of.

I caught up on House and Glee, and finished Heavy Rain so I can return it to the store tomorrow. After that, the NEW adventure begins. No more video games til after the GRE. REALLY. Its hardcore studying for me. So expect my afternoons to become Exercise and GRE prep. Really really.

Ok, off to bed to catch up on Nip Tuck - Im almost done! Just started 6th season..... so close.......

Im SUPER Particular about my Sandwich.

Wanna know how particular I am?  My mom was at Safeway the other day and asked me to txt message the directions to her so she could order my sandwich for me (she was being really nice to me). And word for word, this is what I sent along.

The sandwich: Start with a soft French Roll from the Bakery. Bring it to the sanwich counter. Make sure they cut it all the way through (sometimes they fold it open like a subway sandwich, don't let them do that.) Put mayo on one side, and semi-light yellow mustard on the other. Then do lettuce, tomato, pickle, and REALLY light onion. I now do Havarti cheese and Cheddar cheese, plus ham, turkey, and roast beef. After they are done, I ask real nice for another layer of ham. Tell them to cut it in thirds and wrap it in plastic on the long black tray they have. Then tell them to charge $8.99 for it, cuz otherwise they wont know.

Ill take a picture of what I call the MAN-wich and upload it for show and tell later. Promise. (EDIT: PHAIL. The bread was burned a little too crisp, so you cant even tell how awesome it is. Oh well, another time.)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Friday, Saturday, Sunday Blur

So once again, I have let video games consume my weekend.

Ooops.

And yet again, I had a "good reason." I mean come on, my PS3 came on Friday, and I was playing through Heavy Rain all weekend!  Thats a good reason, right?!?!?!



Ok, lets go through the weekend, or at least what I ended up doing when I wasnt playing Heavy Rain.

Friday.

My PS3 came.

I had a Walk of Game.

And then I had a long chat with a beloved Oregon friend on the way home.

Saturday.

Rolled out of bed.

Training for 4 hours where I learned about better classroom management.

Watched Iron Man 2 on Blu-ray with my parents.



Heavy Rain til 4am, pounding headache and starving the whole way through. Ouch. (Remember, Im fully aware Im addict, and acceptance is just the first PART on the road the recovery. Ill walk the other parts when Im good and ready/50 years old.)

Sunday.

Woke up like I had been hit by a bus, and 8 hours of sleep wasnt cutting it. Ate a bagel, jumped back in bed.

Heavy Rainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn til 6pm.

Dinner, chatted with my Mom about school and what this week will bring now that October Count is done. Talked about the students who may not work out at the school, given certain issues. (Cant disclose, for obvious reasons)

HEAVY Rainnnnnnnnnnn til 10pm.

Rented a car for my trip to Florida, cleaned my room, emailed an old head supervisor, thought about another one long lost in the wind, and then jumped on here to speed through my weekend update so I could.... yep! Jump right back into Heavy Rain before bed time.

I completed it once, but now of course I have to run through it again to get all the endings!

I mean, come on. You have to get all the endings.

But man, what a great game. Loved it.

The only sad thing is that I skipped Dexter AND Family Guy this evening for the privilege. Now thats tragic. :( Oh well. Ill grab it tomorrow online.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Notables 9/30/10

A few things about today.

1) That Office joke with the disposable camera? Seriously hilarious. A joke that only The Office could pull off with such plausibility. If you wanna watch it, go here and skip ahead of 2:38 to see what Im talking about. Maybe you wont laugh cuz you know its coming, but man, I laughed a lot.

2) Got called a fag in class yet again today, but this time it wasnt under whispered breath like normal. This time it was full-on, in my face, so the whole class could hear. And the students repeated their statement enough times to make it stick. Things like this shouldnt shake me, but Ill admit I was a bit shaken. And of course the mind twist to all this is that when shit like that happens, I go get my mom to handle it, since shes the disciplinarian of the school. Its like coming home from school and telling your mom that you got called a fag in class. Its just so bizarre and surreal that I had to walk into my moms office and tell her what just happened, especially when Im not the kind of person to typically share those kinds of things.

But this is what I signed up for, more or less. These are the toughest students in the whole district, the ones no other school wants in their building.

I guess its true what they say: Be careful what you wish for.  In college, I used to wonder what it would have been like if I had been harassed or teased about my sexual orientation in high school after I came out. I used to wish I could have gone to a Treatment Camp or something, just to see if I could tough it out with all the confidence I have now.

I guess Im not as strong as I thought.

3) Went out to dinner with my Dad to a new place where he can get gluten free pizza, and he really liked it!

4) Took the night off from my heavy exercise routine, since i couldnt even straighten my arms today, I was sooooooo sore everywhere. Ill pick up again tomorrow afternoon before I go to Denver.  I spent the evening watching all my shows, which was nice to just relax after a really busy week.

5) And finally - WHO THE HELL WAS THINKING AT APPLE when they stuffed the new TV with a version of iOS? I mean really! The thing has been out 3 days, and its already been jailbroken. I mean, come on Apple, you arent even trying anymore. I swear, its like you WANT us to jailbreak the damn thing.

PS, press Option-Shift-K on your Mac computer to create the  symbol. Rename your folders on your iPhone using iTunes, and suddenly you have the cool symbol on your iPhone. Hell, place it everywhere!

Ok, that was pretty much the highlights I can talk about today. Other stuff happened, but I dont think its my place to discuss it publicly. Enjoy the 1st of October!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

In Brief: Got the new Xbox 360 Dashboard!

I dont wanna upload shitty pictures of mine, but heres basically what shows on my Xbox now.  AWESOME.

 Be Jealous.

Source: Engadget

Its been One Week....

My apologies. I wrote this post two weeks ago, and never posted it. The weekend I tried to post it, I got SUPER sick. And this week has just been a blur with my new exercise regime......

SO! Pretend its two weeks ago.

Over the last week, many of you probably noticed some changes in my patterns.  First and foremost, I stopped tweeting on a regular basis. The first thing you should know is that Im totally fine, and nothing bad happened to me. The fact of the matter is, I stopped tweeting because most of my thoughts these days involves either frustrations with my job (which isnt fun to read on Twitter), or my thoughts about how different the kids are that are work with (which prolly flirts with FERPA violations if I talked about it).

So! Im gonna kinda do a run through of everything thats been going in my life, and what the next year looks like, all planned out.

First, I got a job working for the Dreamcatcher program in Boulder, a Direct Instruction program that helps students who are behind catch up to grade level quickly and successfully. Interesting fact - the dude who invented Direct Instruction actually taught at the University of Oregon a few years ago.

I got involved with this program because Dreamcatchers is hired by the school my mom works at to help the students who are the most behind get caught up. AKA Remedial instruction.

My mom works at Justice High School, a school for students who are all legally involved in the court system, generally have a criminal history, and were either expelled or not allowed to attend any other school. Another words, this is the last chance school for most of these students. So the makeup of this school is about 95% Latino students, which all combined, makes this a VERY different group of students than what Im used to.  For example, on my VERY first day at work - two girls started fighting. And I dont mean fighting as in verbally, or even just slapping.  I mean full on, full out yanking of the hair, clawing at the face, and lots of blood dripping down both their faces once 6 people finally pulled them apart. Oh, and it happened again with two different girls on my second day. Yea. Different.

I spend my morning hours at Boulder Justice High, and spend my afternoon hours at Denver Justice High, another branch of the school.

However, instead of spending most of my time teaching, I find myself spending most of time babysitting or trying to coax these students into working instead of telling me to fuck off.

Its SOOOOO different than what Im used to. In any other place, when you approach a student with discipline of some sort, or some loss of privilege, and the student realizes that they need to apologize and get back to work or stop goofing around. At Justice High, they look at you like you are crazy to even try to tell them what to do, and then they laugh at you.

Its like Im having to start from scratch and re-learn everything I know about working with students. Instead of working from the top down, and bringing the students down a peg when something happens, I have to work from the bottom up, and really focus on positive reinforcement and using Love & Logic techniques.

Basically, this is HUGE opportunity for me to really develop my skills working with students, even though these students are in high school.  So I am grateful for the opportunity.

In terms of my tech dreams, most of that has gotten kicked to the way side for now. After I take the GRE in November, Ill start studying to get my Apple and Microsoft certifications so that tech shops will actually hire me. Right now, its just a flat no from most people.

So for now, Im tutoring students at CU in Computer Science, and I already have 2 students that Ive taken on, and 2 more that are interested. So all good money rolling in. (This was a MAJOR fail. The students sat down and I had NO CLUE what the devil they were talking about. I had to turn both tutoring offers down and switch to tutoring algebra and stuff. OOPS.)

Between all that and watching Nip Tuck with mom, I stay pretty busy these days. Anyways, Ill update more later.

LATER -

So now that ive been on the job for 3 weeks now, Ive noticed some things.

First of all, my fellow remedial teachers really dont have the backbone for this kind of job. ....I take that back. They do. Everyone does. We just dont use it and follow up when we should. The lot of us are empathetic towards the students. We dont want to send them to the office to get in trouble, so we threaten, and then DONT FOLLOW THROUGH.  How I allowed myself into this pattern, I dont know, but heres the bottom line.

Normal classrooms: 20 kids, 1 teacher, smooth as butter.

Us: 25 kids, grouped into 8 kids per room, TWO teachers per room, and we cant control them at all.

As you might be able to imagine, the schools are pretty pissed with our performance. And so am I.

But Im not in charge anymore. Decisions dont go through me, and my boss isnt super on the up and up with dealing with these issues. She wants to kill them with kindness. Well wake up, sweetheart. It aint working. We need solid structure before we befriend these kids.

Oy.

Other news........ ummm.......

My parents are making me pay my cell phone bill now, so yep, im trying to find someone on AT&T to jump onto their family plan with so i can FINALLY GET AN IPHONE. If your interested...... let me know.

Im studying a lot for the GRE now........ taking it Nov 8th......

Booked a trip to Florida from Nov 10th to the 18th...... seeing my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, all of which I havent seen in SIX YEARS. So yea, Im glad Im going.

Im getting out there in the gay scene more often, which im pretty happy about. But Im still trying to figure out a good friends routine. I love the people I have seen since Ive been home, but i see them too infrequently.  I need something more solid.

Oh, and on the DL........ i ordered a PS3, which will complete my trifecta of currrent gen video game consoles. As of this Friday, I will own an Xbox 360, a Wii, and a PS3.  Bwa-hahahahahahahaha.



So life is going ok! Could be better in some areas, but im pretty happy as it stands. Im doing something I enjoy, thats also VERY challenging, helps me with my weaknesses (cough*my patience levels*cough), and looks fantastic on a resume for something im doing on my OFF year.

Sorry for the lack of updates!  I promise ill pump more out as I go.  But as it stands, I roll out of bed at 7:30, and finally get back to my computer around 7:30. And with Fall TV making a comeback...... well...... blogs take a backseat I guess.  Oh well.

Til next time!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

New Music

You may have already seen this first song on my Facebook, but Im reposting it here because Ive been listening to it today, and I like it more and more every time I hear it.  Its the new single by Marina and The Diamonds called Shampain.



This next song, however, is one I heard on the radio last month while driving home from Oregon. I had never heard it before, but it intrigued me, and I had never taken the time to look it up until to today.

Ill go ahead and say this song is NOT APPROPRIATE for the work place, or anywhere else you need to be professional. The songs basically says, "Fuck you," all the way through the song. And rightfully so, shes pissed off.

Anyways, hopefully you enjoy!


Friday, September 10, 2010

Random Thoughts

To say I have been watching a lot of Nip/Tuck lately would be an understatement. Ive ripped through 4 seasons of the damn thing in just over a week. Thats about 15 episodes per season at 46 minutes an episode, not counting the 1st season that consisted of 22 episodes and not counting that the first and last episode of each season are 20 minutes longer than normal on average. This is also not counting the time I have spent catching my Mom up on the show, who now likes to watch episodes with me.

Statistics aside, I get heavy doses every day of two individuals who have plenty of cash to throw around, and never REALLY have to worry about money.

And after I got over wishing I could be rich like them, another thought occurred to me.

What kind of life would I live if money really wasnt an issue at all?  What would I want to do with my life if I really didnt have to worry about money at all? What would really make me happy at the end of day?

These are the kinds of questions that friends and family have asked me to think about over the course of my life, but that I never really seriously gave thought to. Why should I? Money talks, and money makes a lot of things move. But perhaps something about my life-shift and heavy doses of this show have started to make think differently.

So I started thinking. And since the job market has been my priority question these last few weeks, I started with the job. What would I really be happy doing? What would really give me satisfaction? The funny thing is, I dont know if I would WANT to not be working, and just lay around all day. Ive been doing PLENTY of that for the last 3 weeks, and let me tell you, it sucks. I get to stay up all night doing whatever, sleep til 2 in the afternoon, and eat whatever I want, and do whatever I want, with no responsibility. And it feels like Im paralyzed. I cant stand it. So no, I cant just vacation forever.

I have to do something, and more importantly, I have to give back. Some of life's most fulfilling moments for me have always been when I have been giving back. I cant put my finger on what that would be yet, but I know its my calling. Whether I end up as tech support or a student affairs admin or a psychologist, Im going to be giving back.

So then I started to think about other things. What I might do with tons and tons of money. Id two things, I decided. First things first. Id buy the hottest night club in the city and pump tons of money into helping it grow. Then Id influence the setlist and make sure all the right songs were being played. Id set it up to be the most freeing club anyone had ever experienced. Im so tired of all these senseless songs that get played at clubs.

After that, Id probably buy my way into one of the top tech companies, most likely as a board member, and have access to all the latest gadgets before anyone else even heard of them. Id let them know what I want, and what consumers really want their gadgets to do.

Speaking of gadgets, the entire theme of my house would be advanced tech. Ive seen Disney's Smart House, so obviously I know what Im talking about. But the main thing that I know my house will have is a podium stand right in the middle of the front entrance hallway. So everyday when I came home from work, I would slide my iPod into this podium and the entire house would blast the music I was listening to. I hate being cut off from my music. There is nothing worse then getting kicked back to cold reality after being lost within a good song. Id also make sure LCDs lined every wall of the house. Enough of this pretending stuff. I want my house to bring the proper song visualization to life, and I want it to do it by reacting to my dictation. Cameras would capture my every movement, and the visuals on screen would react. Imagine making a ripple of light everytime you pointed at your wall. Then add in a high-BPM song, and its your own song garden.

Of course, for those rare occasions when Im not listening to a high octane song, Id settle for nature visuals, wind blowing through the trees, etc, etc. I do calm down every now and then.....

Oy. This is tiring. Im gonna cut this off here. But my point is (besides the house redesign and the club and tech purchase) that money doesnt really buy happiness. I cant buy my way into the right job for me, and I cant let money dictate what job I go for. Sean and Christian enjoy being plastic surgeons in Nip/Tuck, they didnt do it for the money outright. I dont want to be a plastic surgeon, and I dont want to be a lot of things that would make me absurdly rich. I just want to be happy, and I think the point of this whole blog post was to share that Im not afraid to find that job that makes me absurdly happy, even if money isnt a huge part of the equation. Money may buy some comfort items, such as a Smart House with mass speaker system and your own night club. But it cant buy fulfillment, and I think this year.... thats what I want to find. /Random.Thoughts.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Living a Teenage Dream

After all has been said and done, today was super awesome. I was finally reunited with my iPod, and the brand spankin new one at that.  And because my iPod has a camera now, I pretty much recorded my way through the day. How did it all go down?  Read on!

9am. Rolled out of bed and jumped in the shower. Today was the day. The night before, I had asked two Apple stores if they had the new iPods in stock, and both said they had them, and would be selling them at 10am when they opened. So I had ran home and canceled my un-shipped iPod touch order from the Apple website. Why wait to get it Friday when I was DYING without it?

9:30. For various reasons, today was going to be a gay day, meaning my tight jeans from Express, club spanks from Calvin Klein (mirroring ones that Chris wears in a Skins episode), and that cute shirt that I bought from Hot Topic. So I spent a good amount of time getting ready and looking sharp. Hell, I even did my hair, which I hadnt done in weeks. I was getting my life back today; I had to look good when it happened.

9:55am. Right on time, I entered the parking garage in the Boulder mall, and parked. Wallet? Check. I was good to go.

10:03am. I strolled into the Apple store just past opening. I was shocked. There were already 20 people in the store!!! WTF! And Im not counting employees, there were legit 20 customers in the store already. And only one of them was buying an iPod.  I waited behind the one guy buying an iPod for my turn.

10:04am. An agonizing 1 minute later, I finally made it to the front of the line. "64 GB iPod Touch please!" I said. "Oh, sorry," she replied,  "We didnt get any of those." My heart fell out my ass, on to the floor, and rolled away. "Try online," she added. I couldnt speak, there was too much flame coming out my mouth. TRY ONLINE?????? YOU MEAN LIKE THAT ONLINE ORDER I JUST CANCELED LAST NIGHT????  I struggled to maintain my composure as I walked toward the exit, lightening and fire already coursing their way through my rib cage. I managed to catch my breath long enough to ask the concierge for the phone number for the nearest Apple store. This wasnt over. Not by a long shot.

10:06am. I dialed the next closest Apple store and was told I was 6th in line for my call to be answered. I turned on Bluetooth, jumped in my car, and sped off with the Chew Fu Ghettohouse remix of LoveGame blaring out my speakers.



10:18am. Im 5 minutes away from the Apple store, and someone finally picks up. I put back on my sweet, innocent voice. "Hi, do you have the new iPod Touches in stock?" I ask, not being specific yet out of fear for what the answer might be." "Yes," he replies. I continue, "......Do you have the 64 GB version?" Time seems to pause as I wait for his answer, aware that he holds my fate in his hands. "Yes." he says. Im assuming hes making a mistake, so I try to get more details, "How many of these do you have in stock?" "We arent allowed to give that information over the phone," he says, "But I would get here as soon as possible." With that answer, I knew he had them. If one store didnt have any, then any other store would only have a few in stock. I hung up and drove 50 MPH through the parking lot til I found a spot.

10:22am. I rushed into the store, not caring how diva-like my walk had become. I was about to stroke out, I needed my iPod back in my life, and fast. I walked up to the person selling the new iPods. I didnt even manage a complete sentence, "Hi.....64GB iPod please." And then. To my shock and horror, he replied, "Oh, Im sorry, we didnt get any in today." My lungs deflated a little. "But.... But..... I just spoke to someone who said they had them in!!!!!!" I may have been shrieking at this point, which is probably why the manager came over. "Can I help you?" he asked. "Yes!" I said, "I just called THIS STORE 5 minutes ago and someone in the back said you had the 64 GB iPod Touch in stock!!!!!" "Well I didnt see any this morning, so Im not sure who you talked to." he said calmly. I wish I could have maintained MY calm at this point, but I couldnt. I tried explaining again, "I just called THIS store and spoke to someone who said they had them to and to get here ASAP meaning there were only a few in stock, so Im assuming he knew he was talking about!" Finally, the manager got on his radio, and called the back room. "Do we have an 64 GB iPod Touches in stock?" He waited, and listened. "Nope," he said, "Im sorry but we dont have any." I didnt even have time to speak before his hands went back up to his ear to listen to his radio. Then his face looked really confused, and then he looked at me. "Oh." he said, "Apparently the delivery guy just dropped them off. Let me go get you one." I held my breathe. I had been through too much this morning to believe everything was going to be ok. I was going to wait until I had the damn thing in my hands to breathe a sigh of relief.

10:24am. The manager came back out with the 64 GB iPod Touch. I snatched it from him and examined it. Sure enough, it was the right one. THANK GOD, I thought.

10:26am. I strolled out of the Apple store with the iPod in one hand and the receipt in the other. Then I panicked and realized that my iPod was in plain sight and visible to other people. I childishly HID IT UNDER MY SHIRT and exited the mall. I walked quickly back to my car, fearful my iPod would be taken from me. I got in the car, shut the door, and locked it. Alone at last. Finally, I had my baby. Thats when I took this picture:
First time alone with my iPod
10:27am. I started the car, and headed home.

11:00am. I got home, ran upstairs, and grabbed my camera. I tried to record the whole unboxing process.  The I found out iPods are not meant to be opened one-handed. So I ditched the idea pretty quickly, but not before some pretty embarrassing videos of me trying were produced. Im not showing those..... right now, anyways.

1pm: 2 hours later, my iPod had finally synced up. And I had managed to use that time rearranging all my apps. I created enough folders so that I went from 8 pages of apps to just 2 pages. I was pretty happy.  A few more clicks, and my iPod was ready.

1:25pm. I headed downstairs to show my Dad and to compare it to his first-gen iPod touch. But he was busy, and I was being impatient. So I strolled out the door to show my Mom at her office.... 30 minutes away.

2:00pm. I drive up to my Mom's school, where I suddenly realized that Im all gayed out in front of 100 at-risk youth who are all court-ordered to go to this high school. Needless to say, they werent quite sure what the hell I was doing approaching them, and I could tell all the guys immediately felt the need to defend their own sexual orientation in front of their girlfriends. I wont repeat the comments, but its not like I took offense to them anyways.

2:01pm. I made it to my Mom's office. I showed off my iPod for a bit, then I sat down as my Mom handled other work she needed to do. And needing a chance to test out the 720p video recording, I proceeded to record this video below. You can tell I was messing with the focus and lighting a little bit:


2:30pm. Driving home listening to my music, I realize that my iPod now has a mic built in, so I no longer have to search for a different song while driving.... I can just use voice control and tell it what song to change to!  I took a picture to demonstrate:

I squealed with delight after figuring this out. This was going to be the best iPod EVER.

The rest of the day, I just messed with my iPod touch a bit more. Playing games, trying out new features, etc.

5:30pm. I took another few videos, just for kicks.  The first shows me with the front facing camera. The latter shows my parents not paying attention.  Again, me being creepy. Although the look on my Moms face is PRICELESS. I edited that last bit and sent it to my sister.




7:30pm. I didnt get a picture, but my old supervisor called me using Facetime!!!! I wish I had snapped a screen shot so you could see, but alas, I did not. Ill have to grab it some other time.....

Anyways, it was a fun, exhausting day getting my life back in order, and Im still figuring out some cool new tricks to this iPod. Like, for example, I can install RINGTONES on it finally! It used for people call me on Facetime. I can have a ringtone for everyone that calls, so start calling me!  If you have an iPod Touch or iPhone 4, then call me on Facetime using my Facetime-only email address: Ross.Logan@me.com

Comment on Facebook or something if you have any questions about the iPod!

Friday, September 3, 2010

A Clip from The Oatmeal

This is totally me at the security line, like 100%. Especially since I have to dig my phone, ipod, headphones out, then rip off my belt, take off my shoes, fling out my laptop, throw everything on the belt, all while all these people are waiting behind me and pushing me forward. I hate it!

Courtesy of The Oatmeal

By the way, if you arent already reading the Oatmeal, you should be. I literally laugh out loud in a hysterical geeky way every time I read a new post of his. Its simply hilarious and I love it. Go ahead, it will make your day better.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It Aint all Peaches and Cream

So today was a great day. I rolled out of bed at 10am PST, turned on my computer, and started watching the live feed of today’s Apple event on my big screen TV at the foot of my bed. With surround sound, of course. And I had a high quality feed coming in too. The entire event I was simply enjoying myself instead of listening to fuzzy audio and a poor connection from a webcam from someone in the audience.

And it gave me a bit of time to reflect on the announcements today. I wont cover Apple TV, simply because this item still wont be much impact on people’s lives.

However. Apple updated three items… make that FOUR items, that people use everyday and are a part of their daily lives. And I'm just not sure everyone is getting what they really want.

Lets start with the Shuffle. Ok, now this update I get. People like being able to reach for the buttons. So they moves back to a Shuffle that had buttons on it instead of only relying on the headphones remote/mic switch. My dad actually runs with his Shuffle all the time, and had to put heavy layers of masking tape over the buttons on the headphones because sweat kept dripping down into the buttons and then cranking the volume without warning.
Photo Courtesy of Apple

Yea. So, my Dad will be going out and getting the new Shuffle for sure. People just like to have the buttons on their iPod. ESPECIALLY an iPod that is really just for music!

So heres where I get confused. Lets see if we can follow this logic. People. Like Buttons. Ok, Ok, so another words – People like Buttons….. on their iPods…. That are for music. Ok, whoa whoa whoa. We are going too fast now. Lets back up.

People. Buttons. iPods. Music.

And because people like buttons on their iPods…. then why did Apple GET RID OF THEM on the Nano??????

I have been just puzzled all day by this. We are now on the 6th generation of Nano. Last year, Apple outdid themselves and release a LARGE screen Nano that could view VIDEO and also SHOOT VIDEO while till having BUTTONS.
5th Generation of iPod Nano (Last Year's Model)

And then this year, its like…… What???? You decided to do what? Get rid of the buttons, get rid of the camera, get rid of being able to look at videos, get rid of the bigger screen?
Photo Courtesy of Apple

Didn’t you just bring back buttons to a device where people missed the buttons?????? Are you even allowed to contradict yourself on the same day?

I'm just speechless. Am I crazy? Can anyone actually see Apple’s BRILLIANT idea behind this move for their Nano????

Ok, lets move on. The day wasn’t horrible. Actually, for me, it was AWESOME. I prayed for an iPod Touch with a camera, 720p recording, microphone, retina display and faster processor, and I GOT IT ALL! Its like they heard my prayers from last year and finally got with it.
Photo Courtesy of Apple

This is how awesome it is. Are you ready? …..I might not sell my iPod come next September. Why would I need to? I literally now have EVERYTHING I want in an iPod.

We can end their on the iPod Touch. Just know its now the BEST iPod on the market, and that’s that.

Lets move on to the other stink in the pile today – iTunes 10.

All day, I have been excited to use the new iTunes 10. Then I downloaded it. Ping, their new social networking for music application was fun for about 5 minutes. Ill wait till they add in Facebook connectivity.
Photo Courtesy of Apple

Then I started looking around to see what else they had changed. For starters, THEY TOOK ALL THE COLOR OUT. All of it. Every icon is now GREY GREY GREY. I cant even tell what everything is now, as the colors were my cue! And the icon changed as well for the iTunes application as a whole, I have trouble recognizing the new icon after being with the old one for 6 years!
Photo Courtesy of Apple

The whole iTunes just frustrates me now, and I'm pissed.

So nods for the day for Apple – the iPod Touch, and the Shuffle.

WTF moments – The new Nano, and iTunes 10 color scheme.

You win some, you lose some.