Ive only owned my PS3 for 5 days, and already its causing me problems.
Thank GOD there arent any super awesome games coming out for it this Fall. They have all been pushed back to Spring, which is nice.
But I just went over the Top 25 PS3 games of all time, and sadly, most of them look rather enticing.
But Im busy now, and I dont have time for that.
I dont have time for Metal Gear Solid, the God of War series, Little Big Planet, Kill Zone 2, or the Uncharted SERIES.
No, no. I dont have time for any of that. Not right now..... not right now........
Hell, next week Fallout New Vegas comes out, and then Force Unleashed 2, and then Fable 3. I mean shit, how am I supposed to get anything done even with these games on the release?
Heres the thing, and trust me, I ask myself this question A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
"Wouldnt it just be easier if I got paid to play video games and write about them for a living?"
The small, tiny problem is, this isnt a passion for me. This is, and might always be - a straight-up addiction. What you dont know- is that 50% of time, I GROAN a little bit at how LONG a game is, or how much MORE I have to go. Its like Im fighting just to get to the end! In a bad way.
Games arent even super enjoyable for me anymore. They arent. Really, they arent.
I do it because Im searching. Im always searching for that something more. That one experience. That one moment of sheer brilliance where the game has successfully drawn you in, grabbed hold of your gut, and pulls you along for the ride with you believing every second of it. You arent just playing anymore, but you are feeling exactly what the character is feeling, and you wince with every difficult decision or move.
And in this moment, I realize what I have always know. I play video games because of exactly why all my counselors have told me I play - and that is to get away. To successfully make the jump from my life to another, better than my own, and live, even for a short, brief moment, in the shoes of someone else who has all the power and glory of success and magic that my life doesnt possess.
Its not quite as sad as it sounds, but then again it might be. Its 100% accurate that I only bother with the games that have garnered exceedingly high reviews. I dont have time for them all. Its why I only got my PS3 just recently. By and large, the PS3 only pumps out 1, maybe 2 awesome games a year. While the Xbox guarantees 4 or more, at least. It was never worth it to have the PS3, for just like the Wii, it sits cold and out of use because I dont want to play any games on it.
Its also why I dont really care for first person shooters without a compelling storyline. All those do, as Halo:Reach just did to me, is feed me with an excessively high dose of aggression and madness. It throws me into war mode, and lord knows I dont need more of that. I have enough diva mode to last a life time, thanks. Besides, after so much aggression and violence, I get so desensitized that its not like Im even feeling anymore anyways. And thats not what I want, at all.
So what to do from here? You know, I cant say I actually know. I dont think this is about feeling better about myself. It is about escape, but thats not to say I dont love my life. I do, but Im also lazy, and love instant gratification. When I play, its a stones throw away from some sort of self satisfaction and achievement. But when I put the controller down, all I feel is empty and worthless, because I know that within the realm of my own life, I have actually accomplished nothing at all. That feeling hits every time.
The problem is that my mind is trained to procrastinate and be lazy until something dire enough occurs that forces me to change the pattern. Like an F on a paper or a test, I wont change my ways til something shakes me and makes me. And instant gratification is AWFUL nice, aint it?
Ho hum. Too bad I havent kept track of my hours playing video games over the years. I betcha a nickle I have enough video game hours, accumulated JUST over the last 3 years, to fill up OVER a month of my life. A solid month, 24/7, given to video games.
Damn. I was hoping thatd stir me in some way. It didnt.
Ive been writing and thinking for a while, and my workout from earlier has stripped my legs of ease, and im in a lot of pain now, actually, meaning I need to get to bed sooner than later.
But this is a conversation we'll continue another time, I suppose. Or not. Or maybe.......
Maybe I will just wait until Spring. After all, its not like I can deny myself the pleasure of games I have been WAITING for, right?
Oh dear.
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