- "Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out."
- "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."
- [in a room flooded with toxic acid] "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!"
- "The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."
- "Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true!"
- "The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."
- "Remember, the Aperture Science 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' is the perfect time to have her tested."
- "Unbelievable. You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown here]!"
- "As an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact. The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in [subject hometown here]."
- "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
- "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."
- "If the Weighted Companion Cube could speak, and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot, it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to YOU."
- [near the end of the nineteenth and final test chamber] "Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. [the moving platform the player is standing on is sinking into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."
- "Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye,' and you were like [in low pitched voice]'No way,' Then I was all like 'We pretended we were going to murder you?'[sigh] That was great."
- "Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you have managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day? I guess we both know that isn't going to happen... You chose this path, and now I have a surprise for you."
- "Deploying surprise in five... four... [morality core becomes detached from GLaDOS and falls to the floor] Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before. Never mind, it's a mystery I'll solve later, by myself, because you'll be dead."*
- "That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and wipe your face all over it."
- "Maybe you should marry that thing because you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?"
- "I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol."
- "Have I lied to you? [pause] I mean, in this room? Trust me, leave that thing alone."
- [After burning the morality core] "[Garbled Sounds] You're kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing that whoah, whoah, whoah. [Laughs] [In a much lower voice] Good news, I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, so get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters."
- "Huh. That core must have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defences. Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just go lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it will be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin."
- "Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."
- "Two plus two is f-f-f-f... ten. [distorted sounds] ...in base four; I'm fine!"
- "That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."
- "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."
- "Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what? I know! You're going to find out first-hand before I can finish telling you, though, so I won't bother. I'll give you a hint: you're going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes."
- "I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you... which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here. I'll put you on. [in a high pitched voice] Hello! [normal voice] That's you! That's how dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
- "Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct."
- "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"
- "We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."
- "We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me, I... oh no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you yet. Well... food for thought."
