Its all About Me

I will be soon be entering a new phase in my life (sometimes referred to as grad school), so I wanted to start making some back end preparations for when this momentous leap forward in my life occurs.

This starts tonight with the creation of my landing page, hosted on About Me.

About Me: Ross Logan

 This website will serve as my new central hub, where friends and professionals alike can visit to find out more information about me, how to contact me, and what Im up to personally and professionally.

This evening will also mark my initial shift away from personal blogging, at least for the time being. Yes, I havent blogged in quite some time, but tonight will serve as my official announcement. Its not quite a retirement from blogging, per say, but rather a temporary hold until I have started my new career in grad school. Once settled there, I shall resume blogging with much more of a Student Life approach.

Anyways, you can visit my About Me page at http://About.Me/Ross.Logan

Enjoy!

The Good News

Good news. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, so get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

Lol. Man, I love Portal.

But seriously.

I have good news!

Most of you who read my blog know EXACTLY what good news Im talking about. So for all intensive purposes, Ill just go ahead and tell you that the official word I was waiting for became OFFICIAL today. Meaning Im getting exactly what I want, when I want it.

Ill leave vague because no one knows yet..... you know how these things go. The agreement is made, a press conference is called, and THEN the announcement is made public.

So I have to wait for the press conference.  But its exciting!

Until I can officially unveil my cool news to those NOT in the know, heres my favorite new song this week:

Hey, guess what?

...Im back, baby. Good news to come soon!

A Tougher Road

Maybe its the dark hour creeping over me, which is pretty standard for my life, but in this moment, I feel like life is going to be tough these next few months, and I can feel the energy to rise up over it slipping away.

Maybe its because Im broke for 7 more days.
Maybe its because I just finished Nip/Tuck, thus ending a common occurrence in my life.
Maybe its because Ive been sick with what the doctor thinks might be whooping cough (although I dont think it was based on what I found)

Who knows. And maybe its because of lingering questions that havent let me live in peace over the past week or so.

You have to just get up and be more positive.

So Ill try.

Positives.....

Positives are that my first tutoring sessions went really well today. Kid 1 is brilliant and keeps me on my toes, while Kid 2 is kinda nerdy like me and likes video games, which OF COURSE im more than happy to talk about while he/she works.

Ooh. And I got a new signature for my email, which was exciting, but really no reason to use it..... so..... theres that.....

im really bummed that tomorrow is the OS X 10.7 Lion reveal, and ill be in a staff training during that time. Oh well, Ill catch up when i get home.

Just an FYI - If it was the iPod announcement, i would have called in sick. Im serious, and you know it.

I called my friend Pat to tell him about the Apple event, and super forgot tomorrow is his wedding! 10/20/10. He and his soon to be wife have been planning that date for over 3 years now. Hell, they even registered the web address too I think. They just love the date. Man oh man, how times are changing....

Today I realized that while teaching is cool, I still miss being an RA and still miss student affairs and all the joy it brought me. It was always exciting, always challenging me to do better and be better, and to be honest, I think it really fits me for where I am right now. After working on my Im an Ally Boulder project this weekend, and managing a team and writing a proposal and hasing out the details, I realized how in love I am with being behind the clipboard and running the show that helps people and helps the community. Sure, part of it is the power and attention, I cant deny that. But is there harm in taking on the role when you help so many people and do it with good intentions?

Like I said, what draws you there doesnt really matter. Ultimately, its why you stay.

Sure, I cant say Ill do it til the day I die, but I can tell you that I still love it now, and Ill prolly love it for years to come.

Ill probably always wish I could do something with the tech field now and again, but Im sure Ill figure it out if its something I really, really want.

Ok, off to bed. quite exhausted. need rest.

Sunday

Sunday! Off to work from 12 - 1, got back at 5pm.

But! I got a new kid, saw him and his current teacher in action, and Im so excited to start tutoring! This kid is stubborn yet exceptionally brilliant, so Im super super super excited to work with him starting Tuesday.

Made some edits to a document Im working on for rule sheets, and came back feeling better about work in general. We have really been needing weekly team meetings, and it looks like I got my wish! So excited about that, I think work is really going to get better from here!

Only two quick notes for today - and both in the form of videos. One is the new Miley video, and the other kinds sets the right tone for how I felt about today.... even though I was rocking out to Ke$ha new single all day long in my car (like I told you I would).

But most of you dont like Ke$ha, so Im not re-including that video.

Heres the other two, though:

Miley - Since I cant embed it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXl4JyBC8P4

Saturday

Im still sick, and I had the 8 hour training from hell today, so Im using both as an excuse to write a piss poor blog entry.

A couple of small recaps before the main entree'.

#1. My new school rules were ratified successfully.
#2. The City of Boulder "Im an Ally" campaign is well underway, with some good fire under its feet. But its a big project, with several lofty goals that will require a good chunk of my time. But Im really excited about my teammates I have with me, and I think we can really pull this off..... by May.

Ok, main entree.

Just saw Waiting for Superman, and heres my quick blow-by-blow of what I was thinking as the movie rolled past me.

I need to find a good public school for my kids.
Im glad I went to good schools.
Oh wait, I went to a private school.
I need to find a good private school for my kids, but only for elementary school. They will be fine after that.
Oh wait, no they wont.
Ok, I need to find a good private school for my kids up through middle school. I really liked being at a public high school, and my kids should get to enjoy the same experiences I had. As long as they work hard, and have the solid background from their private school, they will be fine.
Oh wait, no they wont.
Ok. Private school all the way through to college.
I REALLY better start saving now. And planning to live where the best schools are. But that shouldnt be too hard to find.
Wait, what? Even our nation's top 5% of educated kids are only ranked 23rd in the world out of 29?
And I certainly wasnt in the top 5%..... Did I get a good education? Can I even hope to make 6 figures ever?
Wait, what about tech jobs that went unfilled? And filled by who? Oh, I knew that. But still, that sucks.
But I cant move to another country just to educate my kids. There are some parts of this culture I want them to grow up with.
Why cant there be a good section of this country that has really great schools?
Charter schools? Lottery? The only hope?
Wait, are you going to make me sit here as I watch all these kids dreams be crushed instantaneously?
I guess its all either luck or hopelessness, isnt it? Thats just awful.

Just awful.

On the Precipice

Like so many of my entries, I generally put some well-deserved thought into my blog titles, and this is no exception. In fact, the title may fit this blog in many, many ways.  For this week has been quite the week, and in many ways I stand on the brink of a lot of issues, places, etc. I may not even remember to list them all in this blog, but I will try.

Lets start with the reason why I havent really been able to blog this week. Well, the two reasons.

The 1st is a mute point. Not a moot point, but a mute point, meaning I cant discuss any of it. I made a promise to myself and others that I would keep this blog clean and professional, and I will always try to live up to that expectation. Even though my grandfather, who reads my blog, would define professional as cleaning up my room first before posting a picture of it for the world to see, I tend to not mind as much when it comes to those kinds of issues. Especially when it comes to pictures of my room. Yes, America, my room is a mess, and my floor is my 3rd shelf, and an expansive one at that. I clean it when I need to, and more importantly, when I have real time to.

But lets get back to the 1st reason, or rather, a lack thereof. I weathered quite the firestorm this week, and as things stand now, I do not know whether or not I should trust the peace presented to me. Time will tell, and Im nervous. Confident and holding my ground, but nervous. But thats all I will say.

Number 2. I hate to admit it, but Im still sick with that tiny cough/choke. The yummy and wonderful gunk known as "flem" keeps building up in the back of my throat and causing me the most ANNOYING cough that produces nothing, despite regular doses of Mucinex. For four days now, I wake up feeling not 100%, with that cough and gunk, take some medicine, and im fine throughout the whole day. Then as night comes around, my body grows tired and all the symptoms rush back. It hasnt gotten worse, and it hasnt gotten better.  In short, another precipice in my life. Im waiting for it to get better, and Im afraid to go out and have fun while I still have it. Let me tell you all the places I could have been tonight, but DIDNT go because of this tiny cough -

A) The Deadmau5 concert in Denver at Beta club this evening. SUPER pissed I missed this.
B) Tracks gay nightclub with coworkers. First time I was invited to go with them and had to turn them down.
C) Hanging out with my close friend Seth, who wanted me to go out clubbing with him. Ive really been missing hanging out with him, and I was sad I didnt have the strength to go.
D) Clubbing in Boulder with an old friend from high school who invited me out tonight.

Yea. Im upset about this whole SICK thing. Not sick enough to go to a doctor or miss work, but JUST sick enough to not feel like going out and putting anymore stress on my body.

And while we're on the subject of not being to hang out with people, lets talk about another precipice.

Number 3 - My relationships on a precipice. Now that I work a ton, I feel like I barely have time to throw my life together outside of work. Even the people I consider good friends, I barely see even once every two weeks! If Im not at work, Im driving home, or eating, or too tired, or studying for the GRE, or at a training. Its never ending, and people keep inviting me out, but its not right to say yes when I need to be getting rest and taking care of myself. But maybe the simple answer to this is to just say Fuck It and go out and get my hands dirty a little. I only get a year off from serious life once, I should take it more seriously.

Which leads us to Number 4 - Money. Ive been broke before, but this is a new level of broke. We'll just leave it at that. Ive never dipped into my emergency stash twice in a month, and 9 months out of the year I never even need to. Prolly should get this together sooner than later....... yea.....

Number 5 - The "Im an Ally" program. So for those of you who dont know, I was involved in bringing the Im an Ally campaign to the University of Oregon, and helped it flourish while I was there. I was talking with some OUT Boulder volunteers about this idea, and they want to bring it to the businesses of Boulder!  So tomorrow is my first meeting the team of volunteers I put together as we figure out our business plan for getting this thing off the ground!  Its a very exciting time for us, for Boulder, and for this nation. It seems like is a great time to be moving forward with Ally ideas like this!

Or at least.... it was......

Until Number 6 - The Obama appeals. Ive been hearing a trickle of news the last two days that Obama is APPEALING the Dont Ask Dont Tell injunction, and that he is also appealing some sort of Defense Against Marriage act case in one of the states. Talk about getting punched in the stomach by your friend and having all the air pulled out of you. I mean, wow. How is Obama supposed to still show face to the LGBTQ community and show he is still our ally? Legally, he had no obligation to appeal the injunction, but his administration did it anyways.  Man, and just when I was finally feeling like our community was on the rise. We stood at a precipice, and Obama gave it that bad push in the wrong direction. It just sucks.

So going into the weekend, Im just feeling a little shaken right now. Not 100% in health, on any of these issues. Like Im holding the solution in the palm of my hand, and I just havent quite close my fingers around it yet.

Oh man. And, to top it all off, I found out Kimber committed suicide this week! I was stunned. She was one of my favorite characters on Nip/Tuck, and she just goes and offs herself a full 6 episodes before the finale! Man. It was just another blow to the gut for sure.

Thank god for South Park though, and "The Snooki." Totally brilliant. What an amazing episode. I managed to snag the video below from PerezHilton.com, so enjoy it while you can!

Ok, Im going to get a full nights rest. Im sure I had more to say, but Im ok with what I wrote.

I will say this though. Despite so many precipices in my life right now, I cant really say Im sad or upset. Sure, I want things to be different, but I still have faith that things will get better and the sun will rise tomorrow a little brighter than it did today.

But first things first. I gotta kick this freaking cough. Yuck.

But before I go.... a little bit of trash to most likely ruin your day - the new Ke$ha single. I wonder how soon she'll tank.

Chapter 11 Bankruptcy

Its the 11th of October and I just spent a shit load of money yesterday - what did you think the title of this post would be?

But good news, Im not bankrupt..... because I havent checked to see what my account balance is. Hooray for avoiding the issue!

I just wanted to write a quick note to say a few things.

One - Last night was crazy for me. I developed a headache and cough last night, and things quickly turned downhill from there, hence the latter half of the post from last night. I went to work today, still feeling sick, but realizing that there are more reasons I do this job than just power or control. Because the fact of the matter is, those two attributes may always lead me to my next job from an initial standpoint. But they arent the reasons I stay, and they arent the reasons I do well in the position.

Two - Today I was a living example of my grandmother's favorite saying, "It is better to look good than to feel good." I have grown up with that phrase since I was 5 years old, and it has always stuck with me. As such, I managed to look utterly fantastic in one of my new outfits today, and I posted it below. PS - Those are cords and not jeans!

Anyways, Im signing off for a day or two to get better. So for now......

Im really hopeful some of you know what game.... that has a sequel coming up..... this is from.

The Weekend of 10/10/10

Hmm, its been a while since i posted. Where did I leave off?

Oh yes, Wednesday. So lets start with Thursday.

Thursday was a long day. A full day of work, plus some tough decisions I made with the students that I didnt feel great about afterwards. But as my Dad says - mistakes are how we learn.  So I tried to feel better about my decisions.

Later that night, i started to make plans with my friend Seth. It was his 21st birthday, and he wanted me to take him out, which I was more than happy to do.  Heres the blog post I WOULD have written (if I had had the time to write) before i went out that night:

(Edited for content)

So as you can see, I provide quite the treat for the person whos birthday it is.

So to start Seth's evening, I wanted to bring him something special. I decided that my Oregon famous Adam Bomb would be just the ticket, so I went to the liquor store, bought all my ingredients, and came home. My wallet was already hurting though, because all the ingredients cost me $80. Ouch.

Mixed the drink to perfection, and had my Mom try some. She just about fell over, asking me if it was possible to be buzzed from one sip. She said it was the best drink she had ever had, so i smiled and packaged three more in their special containers.

Picked up Seth, gave him his bday gift, then took him out on the town. We went EVERYWHERE, it was a long night, and even though we hit a few minor and major bumps in the road, he said he still had a good time. Total price of the evening, including the ingredients I bought earlier - $120. Wow. Am I a Good friend? Check.

I was exhausted when I finally got home around 3:30am, so I crashed.

Friday

Rolled out of bed, headed to work. Got home, had dinner with the grandparents who were in town this weekend. And this is the infamous grandmother who taught me from a very young age that it was always better to look good than to feel good. And she meant it. So thus, a full shopping weekend was planned.

Friday night, as about to pass out when my friend from work called me and asked me to come out. It was only 11:30, so out I went. She introduced me to this new dance club in Boulder, and so we danced the night away. But again, no sleep for me.

Saturday....... nothing much happened. 

Fast forward to Sunday, and we hit the mall.  I knew for some time now that I wanted to start looking older than a club-going teenager (even tough thats totally what I am) and start looking the part of a student affairs professional. And this meant facing the music and heading to Banana Republic.

So with the $200 my grandmother gave me as shopping money, I marched in and sheepishly started looking around. After 2 minutes, I realized that I no idea how to even begin looking in this store. I know club style stores like the back of my hand, but everything in this store was quickly blending together. So I found a nice looking woman who worked there and told her the following:

1. I have no clue what Im doing.
2. Im looking to completely redo my wardrobe.
3. I want to buy complete outfits.
4. And money is no object.

That last bit was a total lie, but I was not about to stop short of an awesome outfit just because of something like money. This was the Ross Logan redesign we were talking about! And I knew that since my Mom and Grandma were with me, I could always shake a few extra dollars out of their wallet to cover it.

60 minutes and 6 different complete outfits later, the three of us had settled on 3 fantastic new outfits. I had been obviously avoiding looking at any price tags up until this point, so now I was getting nervous. I knew I was over my $200 budget, but I didnt know by how much.

So I started counting all the price tags, and I wasnt surprised. Most everything I had picked out was about $80 a pop. Hell, the new belt was 50 bux. It was outrageous. But I didnt just spend an hour trying on half the store AND feeling belittled by the saleswoman (How the hell would I know what a French Cuff is???) to leave without everything I wanted (What can I say? I grew up spoiled and the rotten apple of being spoiled will always be lodged between my teeth).

So total price, including tax (fuck you, tax), was just under $600. Thats when I twittered, "Only in Banana Republic can $200 feel like $20."

So I went over to my Mom, and she pleasantly forgot that my parents had stopped giving me any sort of clothing allowance. Too bad she called my Dad to verify, and he un-politely reminded her. But they threw in a $100 consolation prize. Then my Grandma offered to buy me the cute messenger bag that went with all my outifts (MSRP $98) but I wanted to wait until I found something better looking. I never actually found a better looking bag, so I ended up losing out on that deal.

So total damage for just Banana Republic - $250. Which wouldnt have hurt so much if I hadnt JUST spent $120 on Seth. (Mind you, I was happy to do so..... just not so much.)

Anyways, I picked up a white argyle sweater from Express (it was on sale) and called it a day.

Came home, talked with Rachel on the phone for an hour (which I was very happy to do, since we have spent the last week playing phone tag twice a day), and then ate dinner.

Just got back from seeing the Social Network with my family, and they all loved it, but it turned into a very interesting conversation about why Facebook is so important. Of course, Im talking with my grandparents, who talk about how SAD it is that we dont hand write letters to each other anymore and mail them using the United States Postal Service. My step-grandpa tells me he misses the days when his mailbox was full of letters, not magazines. So trying to explain Facebook to them was a bit..... difficult.  I didnt even mention Twitter.

But it IS rather interesting. And, of course, meant for another blog post which I dont have time for. And sadly, it will a blog post that wont ever come to fruition. But this jist is this: I felt a connection with Mark while watching the movie, and I felt like we were similar in a lot of ways. Granted, I dont have his intelligence, but I do have his desire to run the show, steal the spotlight, and run the entire social network.

Im alone in my head a lot, a lot a lot. And during all this time, the question DOES pop into my head on occasion and beg to be answered. What are the real reasons im in this profession anyways? Being an RA, an SRA, a Rez Hall Director?

Being at Justice High, a job that comes with no glory, Ive realized that at least some of my intentions are honest and good. But I still worry about the others....

A saying always comes back to me, and Im afraid of it.

"Those who desire power were not meant to have it." I really try not to think about it.

I try to focus on some of the positives. Like, for example, that Im pretty good at what I do. I dont take second best lightly, so I struggle and run as fast as I can to be the best, and in my profession, that means providing the best to others. And as I learned this year, part of being the best also means knowing that the one in charge is really the one with the LEAST amount of power, and is really only there to support and guide those with the power, aka, the RAs.

Tick tock tick tock. This sabbatical year has just started, but time is already quickly running out.

Notables 10/5/10

We'll start with yesterday since yesterday didnt quite go as planned.

Monday -

Woke up at 9am. Was supposed to be picking up the carpool 20 minutes from my house at 9am. Fail. Called the carpool. One of them didnt need a ride, the other was in the same boat I was in - just waking up.  Good start to a Monday morning.

Started keeping track of the point sheets for the class, which helped us as a team stay on top of behavior in the class. (Note: Points are given or taken away based on behavior at Justice High.) Overall, it was a good day, and a lot of our students were doing really well.  The same proved true for the Denver school (I generally visit two different schools in the same day) which was really good. So good day overall.

Picked my Dad up from the hospital since he couldnt drive after anesthesia. He had some sort of 5 year checkup done, the likes of which I wont share...... but you may be able to guess if you know my Dad..... or not.

Got home and was wiped, so I scrapped the workout for the day. Dinner, then got back to Heavy Rain. Played for 2 hours, then PASSED OUT while playing, something I dont think has ever happened to me. But then again, Ive never had a setup that allowed me to play in bed, under the covers so comfortably. Woke up at 10pm, turned it all off, watched some American Dad (my new before bed TV show), and was out again by 11.

Strange dreams though....... Was driving the carpool, but the new SNL cast got in....... along with some theater kids from my high school. And I was always running from something.....

Tuesday

Woke up like I didnt just get 8.5 hours of sleep, which is a sucky feeling. ESPECIALLY when you do the time and GET over 8 hours of sleep. Oh well. Its prolly cuz I didnt eat a whole lot on Monday, skipping Breakfast and all to make up for lost time. AND I didnt eat a 4th meal, another often occurrence for me.

Got to school a little late, but it was ok. Immediately dealt with my favorite students...... you know, the ones with the most personality and character to them.  Its a love/**** relationship. Their the most argumentative about doing their work, but they also have the best and funniest ways of trying to avoid the conversation about work altogether. I could learn a thing or two about quick wit from these students.....

Grabbed lunch and drove to Denver. But there was a huge traffic jam, so (GASP!) I ate it IN MY CAR on the way there. Which was ok, cuz I actaully finished my Subway before the jam was over.

My partner in crime wasnt there today, leaving me with the class by myself. I thought I could handle it, since most of my favorite students werent there. But I miscalculated...... and it turned out ok, but it was a little rough around the edges.  Oh well. The important thing is that Im following through with what I say. If I say last chance, I have to mean it and act on it if they are disruptive again. And thats what they are learning. Slowly, but surely. I have a lot of lost ground to cover, and I may not be able to regain it all.

Got home, caught up on the sudden flurge on emails asking me to volunteer for this or that, now that Im an official Boulder PRIDE volunteer, which is exciting to start doing LGBTQ work again. Had a good workout, but hit a bonk moment when my body wouldnt go any further. Its cuz I hadnt eaten well yesterday, which sucks cuz thats my fault. Oh well. I ate really well today (Go manwich!) so hopefully tomorrows workout will be better.

Dinner, talked about kids with my mom (I feel kinda bad for my Dad. Almost every night at dinner, my Mom and talk shop for an hour, and he cant get a word in). Then read an AMAZING article that Amber sent me, an old supervisor of mine. Its about breaking out of the system and doing what you love because you want to and you actually love it. Not because it was the easiest path, earned the most respect or the most money. It really resonated with me, because I feel myself going down that path. It doesnt mean I dont love student affairs and residence life, because I do. But what it means is that this path IS the easiest for me, and Im not exactly paddling upstream or anything to try to change that.

But my year off is still just a child, not even to puberty yet. I still have time to make sure this is what I want to do, and more importantly, that there isnt anything else im denying myself the choice of.

I caught up on House and Glee, and finished Heavy Rain so I can return it to the store tomorrow. After that, the NEW adventure begins. No more video games til after the GRE. REALLY. Its hardcore studying for me. So expect my afternoons to become Exercise and GRE prep. Really really.

Ok, off to bed to catch up on Nip Tuck - Im almost done! Just started 6th season..... so close.......

Im SUPER Particular about my Sandwich.

Wanna know how particular I am?  My mom was at Safeway the other day and asked me to txt message the directions to her so she could order my sandwich for me (she was being really nice to me). And word for word, this is what I sent along.

The sandwich: Start with a soft French Roll from the Bakery. Bring it to the sanwich counter. Make sure they cut it all the way through (sometimes they fold it open like a subway sandwich, don't let them do that.) Put mayo on one side, and semi-light yellow mustard on the other. Then do lettuce, tomato, pickle, and REALLY light onion. I now do Havarti cheese and Cheddar cheese, plus ham, turkey, and roast beef. After they are done, I ask real nice for another layer of ham. Tell them to cut it in thirds and wrap it in plastic on the long black tray they have. Then tell them to charge $8.99 for it, cuz otherwise they wont know.

Ill take a picture of what I call the MAN-wich and upload it for show and tell later. Promise. (EDIT: PHAIL. The bread was burned a little too crisp, so you cant even tell how awesome it is. Oh well, another time.)

Friday, Saturday, Sunday Blur

So once again, I have let video games consume my weekend.

Ooops.

And yet again, I had a "good reason." I mean come on, my PS3 came on Friday, and I was playing through Heavy Rain all weekend!  Thats a good reason, right?!?!?!

Ok, lets go through the weekend, or at least what I ended up doing when I wasnt playing Heavy Rain.

Friday.

My PS3 came.

I had a Walk of Game.

And then I had a long chat with a beloved Oregon friend on the way home.

Saturday.

Rolled out of bed.

Training for 4 hours where I learned about better classroom management.

Watched Iron Man 2 on Blu-ray with my parents.

Heavy Rain til 4am, pounding headache and starving the whole way through. Ouch. (Remember, Im fully aware Im addict, and acceptance is just the first PART on the road the recovery. Ill walk the other parts when Im good and ready/50 years old.)

Sunday.

Woke up like I had been hit by a bus, and 8 hours of sleep wasnt cutting it. Ate a bagel, jumped back in bed.

Heavy Rainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn til 6pm.

Dinner, chatted with my Mom about school and what this week will bring now that October Count is done. Talked about the students who may not work out at the school, given certain issues. (Cant disclose, for obvious reasons)

HEAVY Rainnnnnnnnnnn til 10pm.

Rented a car for my trip to Florida, cleaned my room, emailed an old head supervisor, thought about another one long lost in the wind, and then jumped on here to speed through my weekend update so I could.... yep! Jump right back into Heavy Rain before bed time.

I completed it once, but now of course I have to run through it again to get all the endings!

I mean, come on. You have to get all the endings.

But man, what a great game. Loved it.

The only sad thing is that I skipped Dexter AND Family Guy this evening for the privilege. Now thats tragic. :( Oh well. Ill grab it tomorrow online.

Notables 9/30/10

A few things about today.

1) That Office joke with the disposable camera? Seriously hilarious. A joke that only The Office could pull off with such plausibility. If you wanna watch it, go here and skip ahead of 2:38 to see what Im talking about. Maybe you wont laugh cuz you know its coming, but man, I laughed a lot.

2) Got called a fag in class yet again today, but this time it wasnt under whispered breath like normal. This time it was full-on, in my face, so the whole class could hear. And the students repeated their statement enough times to make it stick. Things like this shouldnt shake me, but Ill admit I was a bit shaken. And of course the mind twist to all this is that when shit like that happens, I go get my mom to handle it, since shes the disciplinarian of the school. Its like coming home from school and telling your mom that you got called a fag in class. Its just so bizarre and surreal that I had to walk into my moms office and tell her what just happened, especially when Im not the kind of person to typically share those kinds of things.

But this is what I signed up for, more or less. These are the toughest students in the whole district, the ones no other school wants in their building.

I guess its true what they say: Be careful what you wish for.  In college, I used to wonder what it would have been like if I had been harassed or teased about my sexual orientation in high school after I came out. I used to wish I could have gone to a Treatment Camp or something, just to see if I could tough it out with all the confidence I have now.

I guess Im not as strong as I thought.

3) Went out to dinner with my Dad to a new place where he can get gluten free pizza, and he really liked it!

4) Took the night off from my heavy exercise routine, since i couldnt even straighten my arms today, I was sooooooo sore everywhere. Ill pick up again tomorrow afternoon before I go to Denver.  I spent the evening watching all my shows, which was nice to just relax after a really busy week.

5) And finally - WHO THE HELL WAS THINKING AT APPLE when they stuffed the new TV with a version of iOS? I mean really! The thing has been out 3 days, and its already been jailbroken. I mean, come on Apple, you arent even trying anymore. I swear, its like you WANT us to jailbreak the damn thing.

PS, press Option-Shift-K on your Mac computer to create the  symbol. Rename your folders on your iPhone using iTunes, and suddenly you have the cool symbol on your iPhone. Hell, place it everywhere!

Ok, that was pretty much the highlights I can talk about today. Other stuff happened, but I dont think its my place to discuss it publicly. Enjoy the 1st of October!

Its been One Week....

My apologies. I wrote this post two weeks ago, and never posted it. The weekend I tried to post it, I got SUPER sick. And this week has just been a blur with my new exercise regime......

SO! Pretend its two weeks ago.

Over the last week, many of you probably noticed some changes in my patterns.  First and foremost, I stopped tweeting on a regular basis. The first thing you should know is that Im totally fine, and nothing bad happened to me. The fact of the matter is, I stopped tweeting because most of my thoughts these days involves either frustrations with my job (which isnt fun to read on Twitter), or my thoughts about how different the kids are that are work with (which prolly flirts with FERPA violations if I talked about it).

So! Im gonna kinda do a run through of everything thats been going in my life, and what the next year looks like, all planned out.

First, I got a job working for the Dreamcatcher program in Boulder, a Direct Instruction program that helps students who are behind catch up to grade level quickly and successfully. Interesting fact - the dude who invented Direct Instruction actually taught at the University of Oregon a few years ago.

I got involved with this program because Dreamcatchers is hired by the school my mom works at to help the students who are the most behind get caught up. AKA Remedial instruction.

My mom works at Justice High School, a school for students who are all legally involved in the court system, generally have a criminal history, and were either expelled or not allowed to attend any other school. Another words, this is the last chance school for most of these students. So the makeup of this school is about 95% Latino students, which all combined, makes this a VERY different group of students than what Im used to.  For example, on my VERY first day at work - two girls started fighting. And I dont mean fighting as in verbally, or even just slapping.  I mean full on, full out yanking of the hair, clawing at the face, and lots of blood dripping down both their faces once 6 people finally pulled them apart. Oh, and it happened again with two different girls on my second day. Yea. Different.

I spend my morning hours at Boulder Justice High, and spend my afternoon hours at Denver Justice High, another branch of the school.

However, instead of spending most of my time teaching, I find myself spending most of time babysitting or trying to coax these students into working instead of telling me to fuck off.

Its SOOOOO different than what Im used to. In any other place, when you approach a student with discipline of some sort, or some loss of privilege, and the student realizes that they need to apologize and get back to work or stop goofing around. At Justice High, they look at you like you are crazy to even try to tell them what to do, and then they laugh at you.

Its like Im having to start from scratch and re-learn everything I know about working with students. Instead of working from the top down, and bringing the students down a peg when something happens, I have to work from the bottom up, and really focus on positive reinforcement and using Love & Logic techniques.

Basically, this is HUGE opportunity for me to really develop my skills working with students, even though these students are in high school.  So I am grateful for the opportunity.

In terms of my tech dreams, most of that has gotten kicked to the way side for now. After I take the GRE in November, Ill start studying to get my Apple and Microsoft certifications so that tech shops will actually hire me. Right now, its just a flat no from most people.

So for now, Im tutoring students at CU in Computer Science, and I already have 2 students that Ive taken on, and 2 more that are interested. So all good money rolling in. (This was a MAJOR fail. The students sat down and I had NO CLUE what the devil they were talking about. I had to turn both tutoring offers down and switch to tutoring algebra and stuff. OOPS.)

Between all that and watching Nip Tuck with mom, I stay pretty busy these days. Anyways, Ill update more later.

LATER -

So now that ive been on the job for 3 weeks now, Ive noticed some things.

First of all, my fellow remedial teachers really dont have the backbone for this kind of job. ....I take that back. They do. Everyone does. We just dont use it and follow up when we should. The lot of us are empathetic towards the students. We dont want to send them to the office to get in trouble, so we threaten, and then DONT FOLLOW THROUGH.  How I allowed myself into this pattern, I dont know, but heres the bottom line.

Normal classrooms: 20 kids, 1 teacher, smooth as butter.

Us: 25 kids, grouped into 8 kids per room, TWO teachers per room, and we cant control them at all.

As you might be able to imagine, the schools are pretty pissed with our performance. And so am I.

But Im not in charge anymore. Decisions dont go through me, and my boss isnt super on the up and up with dealing with these issues. She wants to kill them with kindness. Well wake up, sweetheart. It aint working. We need solid structure before we befriend these kids.

Oy.

Other news........ ummm.......

My parents are making me pay my cell phone bill now, so yep, im trying to find someone on AT&T to jump onto their family plan with so i can FINALLY GET AN IPHONE. If your interested...... let me know.

Im studying a lot for the GRE now........ taking it Nov 8th......

Booked a trip to Florida from Nov 10th to the 18th...... seeing my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, all of which I havent seen in SIX YEARS. So yea, Im glad Im going.

Im getting out there in the gay scene more often, which im pretty happy about. But Im still trying to figure out a good friends routine. I love the people I have seen since Ive been home, but i see them too infrequently.  I need something more solid.

Oh, and on the DL........ i ordered a PS3, which will complete my trifecta of currrent gen video game consoles. As of this Friday, I will own an Xbox 360, a Wii, and a PS3.  Bwa-hahahahahahahaha.

So life is going ok! Could be better in some areas, but im pretty happy as it stands. Im doing something I enjoy, thats also VERY challenging, helps me with my weaknesses (cough*my patience levels*cough), and looks fantastic on a resume for something im doing on my OFF year.

Sorry for the lack of updates!  I promise ill pump more out as I go.  But as it stands, I roll out of bed at 7:30, and finally get back to my computer around 7:30. And with Fall TV making a comeback...... well...... blogs take a backseat I guess.  Oh well.

Til next time!

Random Thoughts

To say I have been watching a lot of Nip/Tuck lately would be an understatement. Ive ripped through 4 seasons of the damn thing in just over a week. Thats about 15 episodes per season at 46 minutes an episode, not counting the 1st season that consisted of 22 episodes and not counting that the first and last episode of each season are 20 minutes longer than normal on average. This is also not counting the time I have spent catching my Mom up on the show, who now likes to watch episodes with me.

Statistics aside, I get heavy doses every day of two individuals who have plenty of cash to throw around, and never REALLY have to worry about money.

And after I got over wishing I could be rich like them, another thought occurred to me.

What kind of life would I live if money really wasnt an issue at all?  What would I want to do with my life if I really didnt have to worry about money at all? What would really make me happy at the end of day?

These are the kinds of questions that friends and family have asked me to think about over the course of my life, but that I never really seriously gave thought to. Why should I? Money talks, and money makes a lot of things move. But perhaps something about my life-shift and heavy doses of this show have started to make think differently.

So I started thinking. And since the job market has been my priority question these last few weeks, I started with the job. What would I really be happy doing? What would really give me satisfaction? The funny thing is, I dont know if I would WANT to not be working, and just lay around all day. Ive been doing PLENTY of that for the last 3 weeks, and let me tell you, it sucks. I get to stay up all night doing whatever, sleep til 2 in the afternoon, and eat whatever I want, and do whatever I want, with no responsibility. And it feels like Im paralyzed. I cant stand it. So no, I cant just vacation forever.

I have to do something, and more importantly, I have to give back. Some of life's most fulfilling moments for me have always been when I have been giving back. I cant put my finger on what that would be yet, but I know its my calling. Whether I end up as tech support or a student affairs admin or a psychologist, Im going to be giving back.

So then I started to think about other things. What I might do with tons and tons of money. Id two things, I decided. First things first. Id buy the hottest night club in the city and pump tons of money into helping it grow. Then Id influence the setlist and make sure all the right songs were being played. Id set it up to be the most freeing club anyone had ever experienced. Im so tired of all these senseless songs that get played at clubs.

After that, Id probably buy my way into one of the top tech companies, most likely as a board member, and have access to all the latest gadgets before anyone else even heard of them. Id let them know what I want, and what consumers really want their gadgets to do.

Speaking of gadgets, the entire theme of my house would be advanced tech. Ive seen Disney's Smart House, so obviously I know what Im talking about. But the main thing that I know my house will have is a podium stand right in the middle of the front entrance hallway. So everyday when I came home from work, I would slide my iPod into this podium and the entire house would blast the music I was listening to. I hate being cut off from my music. There is nothing worse then getting kicked back to cold reality after being lost within a good song. Id also make sure LCDs lined every wall of the house. Enough of this pretending stuff. I want my house to bring the proper song visualization to life, and I want it to do it by reacting to my dictation. Cameras would capture my every movement, and the visuals on screen would react. Imagine making a ripple of light everytime you pointed at your wall. Then add in a high-BPM song, and its your own song garden.

Of course, for those rare occasions when Im not listening to a high octane song, Id settle for nature visuals, wind blowing through the trees, etc, etc. I do calm down every now and then.....

Oy. This is tiring. Im gonna cut this off here. But my point is (besides the house redesign and the club and tech purchase) that money doesnt really buy happiness. I cant buy my way into the right job for me, and I cant let money dictate what job I go for. Sean and Christian enjoy being plastic surgeons in Nip/Tuck, they didnt do it for the money outright. I dont want to be a plastic surgeon, and I dont want to be a lot of things that would make me absurdly rich. I just want to be happy, and I think the point of this whole blog post was to share that Im not afraid to find that job that makes me absurdly happy, even if money isnt a huge part of the equation. Money may buy some comfort items, such as a Smart House with mass speaker system and your own night club. But it cant buy fulfillment, and I think this year.... thats what I want to find. /Random.Thoughts.

Notables 8/27/10

So,my bad for not keeping up the notables this week. But not much has happened.  My days end at 4:30am and start again at 1pm, and i really dont eat until 5pm. Then i do a couple things, watch Nip/Tuck, play some video games, then enter gay chat rooms and try to find new friends.

Heres whats been going on in my life:

1) Yes, I still need to write that SA article i posted about. Im getting on it, k? Right now ive been enjoying discussing it with my family and friends, and getting their feedback. Man, I love this field.

2) Ive been logging into gay chat rooms (not Manhunt, thank you very much) and trying to find new gay males to connect with.  For me, gay friends have always been exciting (think "Ohh Shiny!"). So one of my goals now that im closer to a metropolitan area is to make new gay friends.  Im so determined. And so far I have made 4. A new gay friend every night, except for one night where I made 2 in one night. No hang out dates yet, but i'll get there. baby steps.

3) Ive gotten paid and got my car washed. Oh so shiny. Loves it.

4) Ive been getting reacquainted with Boulder, and its NOT the town I once knew.  Good god no. Its full of rich snobs with too much money that all walk around with a sense of entitlement like they are better than everyone. Another words, I see too much of the worst side of myself, and its like a freaking reflection everywhere, because I know it wasnt all that long ago when i walked around Eugene with the same sense of self-satisfaction.

But this is over drive. I mean its like someone let the bros of fraternities and the sassies of sororities and exploded them all over CU campus and all over town. In Eugene, we had a place for people like that. We called it Taylors. But here in Boulder, they are EVERYWHERE! And im trying SO HARD not to feel hatred in my heart. So difficult.

And all I keep asking myself is why. Why do I feel this way? Is it because I grew up in this town and feel a sense of loss at what its become? Is it because I see so much of my former self in these people? Is it because I know I would never fit in? Is it because I can imagine what a pain these students would be to work with professionally? Whatever the reason, Im so sick of it. Its part of the reason I dont venture out to town too much.  Imagine everyone looking nice everywhere you go. Everyone in a polo or a dress shirt or some sort of high end fashion. Its endless. Its an endless bubble. Oy.

5) I had lunch with an Orgeon friend who went to high school with me as well, and is also back in town. We got to discuss what has changed in town, and what we miss about Eugene. Shes really neat and we are going to the gay clubs tomorrow, which im excited for.

6) I went to the bars tonight with an old high school friend. He agreed with me completely about the Boulder scene, and even though I like my thoughts to be validated, its not really what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear a solution, not an agreement that there is a problem.

7) Im thinking of becoming an LGBTQ resource counselor at my Mom's school.  Shes the assistant principle at a 2nd chance high school for at-risk youth. All kids who are involved legally, and many of whom were court ordered to be there. Id love the opportunity, as well as Id love to get out of Boulder until I get a job.

8) I have friends who work in retail at Apple, and they are both trying to get me a job, and im trying not to be impatient. But you know me. A week without a job is a week too long. Im dying to get back into a routine.  Yes. I like staying up late. But then my life feels..... like a void. All there is is time.... lots and lots of time. Not good for me. I need to stay busy. Thats also why im going to work with my Mom. Even if only for a month or so, I need something to do. And I think being the LGBTQ resource counselor for at-risk youth is something good.

Ok, there are your notables for this week.  Blog on hiatus right now. Once I have my schedule back, aka a real job, Ill get back to posting more often.

Notables 8/23/10

Notable things I remember about today. Hopefully I will do this everyday.

1) Woke up and my Dad had kindly sorted through my "cleaning out" pile.

2) I showered at 5pm, and ate "breakfast" at 6:45pm.

3) Got the new Xbox 360.

4) Card got denied due me not being in Oregon anymore.

5) Dude at Target who sold me the Xbox 360 was a SUPER CUTE nerd. I mean like, I was having trouble resisting asking him about his personal life. Man, he was cute. His name was Troy.

6) Worked on that hard drive issue a lot. Its 3am. Im still working on it.

7) Wound up on "The Hill" at 1am for Jimmy Johns. Dude in a window shouting to dudes on the street. He used the word faggot a lot, and yet his voice was quite high pitched. I giggled a little, understanding the circumstances, then moved on.

8) Tried Outlook 2011 for Mac today. It wouldnt work with my Oregon exchange account, so I called SAIT, and they had no clue. But they said they would keep my account open so I could be their guinea pig and help them test it. Yay!

Picture of the Day:

The Xbox 360 you wish you had: The Iron Man Xbox 360.